The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 335 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a touching story.even though computers weren't mentioned after the beginning, you did an outstanding job using it as an analogy. It is a clever take on the topic.

Your start might have been more powerful if you had started with the accident.

The message was outstanding. You really tugged at my heart. For me, it was a wonderful way of connecting to your reader without coming off as preachy.

When you quote words from a song, make sure you reference it in a footnote.

Also, some of your sentences were quite long and had several commas in them. Tightening some of them up or making them into more than one sentence will help the story flow smoothly.

You did a nice job and I know your story will touch many hearts. It is wonderful how God helps us survive the tragedies of life.

I really liked how you made sure you uploaded a prayer of thanksgiving. It is a timely reminder and something most people need every now and then.
12/05/11
Such a moving story and I thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing it with us. I agree that a number of sentences could have been shorter to add to the flow but I was impressed how the content grabbed me.

I really like the whole idea of downloaing "peace" and uploading "praise" ... that spoke to me.

A really nice job!
Thank you so much for this.I love it when people tell their own stories! Losing a child is the ultimate loss and I can't even imagine how hard it was for you. Praise God for "the peace that passes all understanding."
Congratulations for ranking 6th in your level!