The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/17/11
Cute story! I really enjoyed it...Good job.

God Bless~
This was a wonderful tale! The beginning was spectacular. I was interested right away.

You had a few minor punctuation errors. For example when using a descriptive phrase like her friend and colleague, Jill, inquired make sure you put commas around the name Jill. Also when using the color gray or grey is acceptable, just be consistent with the spelling.

I can tell you have been working on showing vs. telling. You've done a wonderful job of painting a picture for me. You have a delightful sense of humor and this is an enjoyable read.
11/25/11
I loved this from beginning to end. A great story and well done in my estimation.
Congratulations for ranking 10 in level one!