The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/03/11
This is a beautiful story of how God can and does work in tough times!
You did a great job of staying on topic throughout the story and I really enjoyed reading this.
God bless
I really enjoyed this. I thought it was a creative use of the topic. It was a fascinating start and although a somewhat predictable ending, it was still satisfying. You did a great job with a clear message.

The only suggestion I can give you is one that has been mentioned to me several times and I struggle with it. You changed the POV a few times. First you let us know what the son was thinking, then you switched to telling us Mom had a headache then to what the boss was thinking. I used to think if I told a story in the third person that I could pop into different heads but it's easier for the reader to follow a short story if the writer just tells it from one POV. You can fix this by instead of saying Mom's head pounded show what Mom would look like with a headache. For example: Mom massaged her temples, her forehead wrinkled as she rested her head down on the table.

Overall, I think you wrote an outstanding story. I only mention the POV because I believe you are talented enough to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. Keep up the great work
11/04/11
Some say, "They always save the best for lsst." That's true because this piece is a winner in my opinion... please let me know how this does in the contest...I look forward to more of your writings...
This could be a hallmark movie. Wow, I was very moved. I felt alot of hope rising in my heart to see this marvelous son's efforts to be of help to the mom he loved.
Good work.
11/08/11
Wow- a perfect story for "this upcoming season!"

I loved it - beautiful, poignant, and so believable.

Love encomnpasses all. God is Love - and this story was filled with it...The Son showed his love for his mom in classic form.

Great job! God bless you~
11/11/11
This was a beautiful story and really tugged at my heart as the Lord loaned a son like that to me for 18 years. God does work in mysterious ways.
11/11/11
This was a beautiful story and really tugged at my heart as the Lord loaned a son like that to me for 18 years. God does work in mysterious ways.
11/17/11
CONGRATULATIONS EBONY!!!! Excellent job. :)
11/17/11
Oh, yes! Oh, yes! I knew you could do it.

Congratulations!
11/17/11
Cograts on your well deserved win. God Bless you~