The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/11
This amazing story has me both intrigued and confused at the same time!

The concept for the story is excellent, very sci-fi and it has great potential.

The name of the Search Engine - PONG - does that have any special meaning? Is it an anagram? I wasn't really sure of the context behind it, and it made it just a little confusing.

I really liked the way you presented the two doors, and the boys had to make a choice. I got chills when he mentioned the look on Thomas' face as it changed. This is a good way of showing the reader that Thomas indeed chose the wrong door, all was not as it had appeared.

Just one last thing (sorry!), there are just a few punctuation errors...nothing major though.

Overall a good story with a massive amount of potential! Well done!
10/21/11
I love your creativity in this allegory. Your message is relevant and vital. Nice work!
10/22/11
WOW - Hahahahaha...Good job! I enjoyed this ingenious entry. God Bless~
Very imaginative!

Watch out for incomplete sentences. You have a couple here and there.

Your dialogue was outstanding and very believable and your story entertaining.

Good work!
10/24/11
What a creative story you have woven around the topic! Captivating read, very well written! What a great children’s story this would make! Terrific job!
This is very creative. You stayed on topic but it was quote fresh andunique. There were some parts where I was a tad confused. Don't be afraid to use all 750 words- I often have to cut 500 words or more. I think a few more descriptive sentences after the dialog would clear up any confusion. This is an intriguing story.
10/30/11
Very creative piece. I believe it would fit well in the Children's stories and catch the interest of boys and girls alike.

The entry fit the topic in a Syfy way. I could easily picture the whole scene and the flow kept me reading to the end. Great job!