The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/20/11
Very unique take on the topic. The Internet can harbor lots of darkness, but there is also no limit to the treasures it holds. What a special gift, to be able to learn more about your ancestry.

There were a few typos, but overall the piece was presented nicely.
10/22/11
WOW- powerful story, and great job of staying on topic.

This was quite an emotional entry, I loved it. It reinforces what I always think, "there are reasons for everything" So when we see an individual behaving in an unconventional way-there are reasons for it.

Thank you for sharing. Great job. God Bless you~
This is a great story. You really piqued my interest right from the beginning. The ending was great too. I really like that it is based on a true story. You do need to work a but on the actual crafting. Some of the sentence were awkward and needed some rearranging. Double-check punctuation rules esp. commas. Also the word mom should only be capitalized of it is used as a name if your put the word my or the in front of it then it should be lower -case. You might want to join a critiquing group or get a challenge buddy. (check the message boards for a group) You have a great deal of natural talent.
10/23/11
Oh, wow! I can't imagine! You've told their story in away that makes it so real for the reader. [Your story also hits close to home here, I just spent a week with a dear cousin who was injured in an auto accident, as a result of losing control during heavy rain.]
10/26/11
Loved this story! I was sorry that the diary entries were not true, because they gave such a personal look and feeling of connection - but the rest is amazing too and the story has such insight and wisdom woven in. It seems that maybe in writing this it also provided some catharsis for you too! Just a winner of a story all round!
I really love how the diary entries bring the reader in and makes them wonder where they're heading, then stops abruptly after the last one. Great hook! Also a very unique take on the topic. Well done!
11/01/11
Great story!

The diary was a perfect beginning to this, drawing the reader into the story.

I stumbled a bit in the transition. Perhaps making more of a break would have helped.

The conclusion showed the author's motive for searching.
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level one!