The Official Writing Challenge
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Nice story to read. On topic as they used the search engine to go on an excting adventure. That's the way our generation used to refer to our kids when they read a book...a new adventure where you can go anywhere in the world without ever leaving home. Flows nicely altho sometimes I couldn't tell if it was child or adult language. Good ending too.
10/22/11
Great job of keeping on topic, and an imaginative way to bring it forward. I thought it was realistic and very "up to date" in the world of today.

I enjoyed it- God Bless~
10/24/11
That was a fun and interesting way to use the topic. That would make a nice game for a parent and child, to pick a topic and see what they can learn through the search engine. Enjoyed!
Nice way of portraying what can be done via the internet search engine. Conversation flowed. Possible excursions are endless.
10/25/11
(1)(2) Did it fit the topic? How creative?... Your entry was creative and on target for the topic.

(3) Craftsmanship and grammar... Remember to use quotation marks before and after each person speaks: also helps to determine who's speaking – not always clear in your story. At times your dialogue lacked the ease and flow of normal conversation.
Ex: “What is that he is saying, can you understand him: You might consider writing it as follows with correct punctuation marks. "What's he saying? Can you understand him?” Contractions make the dialogue less robotic. Also, consider including a bit of action with dialogue. This enhances the dialogue.

For ex: Tiny leaned forward. “What’s he saying? Can you understand him?"

(4)(5) I thought you had a good opening sentence, and exchanging turns was a great way to conclude the story.


I liked how you illustrated that a search engine can take you anywhere. It reminded me of escaping in a book. Have someone proofread your entry before you submit it. Make sure you put dialog in quotes. Also double-check your punctuation rules and make sure you capitalize names. You may want to describe some of the actions. It will help break up the dialog and help the reader know who is talking andwhat they are doing. This is a charming story that many kids will be able to relate to.
10/27/11
Very creative treatment of the topic. This is a nice piece, but needs some technical help with punctuation, quotation marks, and some interjected action.

Nice job:)
11/01/11
I'd love a search engine that could show us the event. I enjoyed your creativity with this. Thank you!