The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/22/11
I enjoyed this greatly. Very easy pace, but few wasted words. Interesting dialogue. Never had to mention the theme, always knew from the beginning.
09/24/11
This is an interesting read; you did a great job with the dialog.

Many writers struggle with show vs. tell. You did a nice job telling the story, but you would be great if you painted a picture for the reader. For example in this sentence: One day in history, two young women were seen walking on a road in Galilee. , you are telling the reader what happened. You can use action verbs and show me just by changing a few words: One hot, balmy day two women whispered urgently while walking down a dusty road.
Also double-check your punctuation rules; you had a few minor errors.

You did a great job of hitting the topic on the head while retelling some familiar Bible stories and making them feel fresh. That's not an easy thing to do, but you made it seem effortless. Your dialog was realistic and intriguing. Overall you did a good job.
09/26/11
This was excellent! Enjoyed the read! Blessings!