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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Our Mutual Friend (not about the book) (09/15/11)

TITLE: just as He said...
By Gloria Grenada


One day in history, two young women were seen walking on a road in Galilee. They were overheard in a deeply personal conversation.

“He saved me from certain death. I was about to be stoned to death. He became my friend and liberator that day. I have never before been defended by anyone, let alone a man of renown”.

One was tall and stunningly pretty and the other was plain and serene

The women were on their way home from the market carrying herbs and some produce for their household. There was camaraderie between them that was tangible.

One was called Salome and the other Mary.

The listener did not have to wait long to know who they were talking about.

Salome continued “How is it justice for the woman to be stoned and not the man?
Well, I am done with that life. Jesus saved my life, forgave me and justice was done in the town square that day.”

Mary was heard to say “Well, He saved my family from ruin when he brought my brother back to life. Life for two women with no man is not to be desired. I am happy that Lazarus and Yeshua have always been great friends. I live for his visits. He teaches with such gentleness. I am hungry for His words, they are like food to me, and He listens to me too. He is my dearest friend”.

As though in an afterthought, she added “Poor Martha, I am completely lost to her when he visits”.

Almost inaudibly, Salome whispered to Mary
“He keeps telling us that he will be killed and tortured so we must be ready. Jehovah God, His Father needs him to do this but he will rise again. I tremble to think of it. We must be on guard and ready”.

One of them said “I know that He is The Messiah. He never lies. The best thing is that He has set us women free in here”, and she pointed to her heart.

“I am so glad he saved you from that mob” said Mary as they parted at Salome’s back gates.

Weeks later when they meet again, they are observing the `gruesome injustice’ in Jerusalem. They were with the travelling women that had devoted their lives to him and ministered to him. {Mark 15:41}

It broke their hearts to see him so mistreated and with such senseless brutality by the soldiers and the Sanhedrin high priests. They saw the whole spectacle.

They were determined to see it all.

They saw how His body was laid and then sealed in the tomb.

After the Sabbath they worked together with the other women to prepare fragrant spices and perfumed herbs needed to preserve the body of Christ; all the time wiping tears from their faces.

As they prepared the herbs they knew this was one last act of friendship that they could do for Him.

They all agreed that Jesus was more than their friend. He was God, the Messiah who had freed them from cultural bondage, and now was dead.

No one dared to voice the hope that He would rise as He had said. The eleven disciples were in hiding. They were afraid but they would go to see Him where He lay in his tomb.

“He is not here. He has risen just as He said….”
{Matthew 28:6}

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This article has been read 325 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Keith Murrill09/22/11
I enjoyed this greatly. Very easy pace, but few wasted words. Interesting dialogue. Never had to mention the theme, always knew from the beginning.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/24/11
This is an interesting read; you did a great job with the dialog.

Many writers struggle with show vs. tell. You did a nice job telling the story, but you would be great if you painted a picture for the reader. For example in this sentence: One day in history, two young women were seen walking on a road in Galilee. , you are telling the reader what happened. You can use action verbs and show me just by changing a few words: One hot, balmy day two women whispered urgently while walking down a dusty road.
Also double-check your punctuation rules; you had a few minor errors.

You did a great job of hitting the topic on the head while retelling some familiar Bible stories and making them feel fresh. That's not an easy thing to do, but you made it seem effortless. Your dialog was realistic and intriguing. Overall you did a good job.
Linda Goergen09/26/11
This was excellent! Enjoyed the read! Blessings!