The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/11
My gosh - Powerful! This was some story, and the ending was beautiful. God Bless~
This is a riveting tale full of suspense, heartache and conflict.

I'm glad you put part 1 in the title as it didn't have a proper ending. It has been requested not to use continuing stories in the challenge though for a couple of reasons. One is the entry is suppose to be anonymous and the judges would recognize the story and author, The second is the EC winners are published in an anthology and if one part won and the other didn't it would be hard for the readers of the book to understand the full story. However this is just a request, not a rule so you didn't do anything wrong.

Small editing note: When using Mom as a name make sure you capitalize it. Also watch your tense, you start in the past and drift into the present.

Your MC is a great character and Icould feel her pain from the page. It's funny how 2 kids from the same family can turn out so different. You grabbed my attention from the first line and held it right to the end. I also like that song andthink it is a perfect fit for this story. I'm looking forward to reading part two and see how you fit in a new topic and make it flow. I have no doubt the second part will be a great read as well.