The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/11
Interesting commentary and good job. God Bless~
I really enjoyed the first part. My kids were often on losing teams. It can be quite discouraging.

You don't need to tell the reader what you are going to say or show-just do it. For example you didn't need this sentence: I will use this little story of defeat as an analogy using the names and the themes only to describe what I think may be a parallel in the Kingdom of God.
Instead of that you could state a fact to transition to the analogy. Ex: There are many parallels in soccer and in life to the Kingdom of God.

You have a good message and it is always good to show examples from real life to help explain your analogy. Keep writing:)
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one.