The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/11
Nice job. I especially liked the meaning of "never take your eyes off the Lord." We all need to keep our vision set on Him, for all aspects of our life. I enjoyed this. God Bless~
This is a nice retelling of the familiar Bible story.

You didn't need the first two lines.Just start your story without the explanation to the reader.

Also make sure you take time to proofread your story (or even better ask someone to read it for you) before submitting it. You had some typos and punctuation errors.

I can tell you are eager to spread the news about Jesus to the world. When writing for the internet double space between paragraphs to give readers that important white space.

Most important keep writing the stories God puts in your heart. People need to hear them and you have stories in you that only you can tell. Don't let go of that wonderful passion. :)