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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Persuasion (not about the book) (09/01/11)

TITLE: Finding Wisdom
By Louis Detweiler
09/07/11


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Brushing her hair back from her cheek, I caressed her face. I kissed her. Sighing, she breathed deeply. She opened her mouth wide and our tongues touched over and over. We embraced, kissing, sighing, and holding each other. We embraced for over five minutes in the back seat of my fathers Buick Riviera.

The car became steamy. The windows fogged up. Opaque light filtered into front window from a distant street light laying long shadows inside the car. We both peered out the fogged windows and giggled.
She sat upright in the back seat and asked, What do you want out of life?

My anxious reply, You.

Why me?

Im very attracted to you. Youre wonderful to be with. I care about you. I began to kiss her again. She didnt hesitate to embrace me, pulling me closer to her with her arms. I slid my hand under her coat and felt her warm back. I pressed my mouth over hers and again we embraced for five minutes.

She pulled away from me. Im hot. I enjoy kissing you but Im too hot.

I replied, Im hot, too. Lets crack the windows and take out coats off.

She whispered, I feel like my winter coat protects me. Then she asked, How do you know youre a man?

I looked her in the eye, A man is strong, works hard, sets goals, and is respected. I play football, I have friends, and I make good grades in high school.

Will you respect me ten years from now?

Yes. Ill always respect you. If I work hard and graduate from college Ill have a high paying job and Ill be able to afford a nice home.

What if you have to take care of a wife and child? Do you think you could make it through college having to support a wife and child? Do you love me enough to set aside your goals for me?

Why cant I have both? Why cant I have you and a college degree?
What if Im not ready? How would you feel if I was kissing Mike Keiser last night and I let him?

Did you kiss Mike last night?

No, youre the only one Ive kissed in the last month. But we hardly know each other. What if you fail in college? Will I be happy being stuck with someone who didnt make it through college?
Im only a senior in high school and youre saying youre stuck with me.

I could be stuck with someone who doesnt know themselves or me if Im not careful. What is the most important thing to you?

I changed my posture to a sitting position in the back seat of the car. I get mixed up. When Im hurt or in trouble I pray to God for help. But when things are fine I enjoy football, friends, beer, and building robots.

Do you know what the most important thing to me is?

No.

My relationship to God is the most important thing to me. Im a Christian. I pray every day. I pray for protection, guidance, and wisdom. I love to kiss you but it is unwise for us to have sex. Its wise to follow Gods word in everything we do. Im scared.

I put my face in my hands. Instantly, the mood for kissing passed. Ill take you home.

No. Lets be friends. I mean we can be friends but Im not ready to be sexually active. I love to kiss. I dont know. Im the one who is mixed up. I need time. I want to follow Gods word in all of my relationships.

Youre right. I dont know you. Lets be friends. Thanks.


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This article has been read 145 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 09/08/11
This is a wonderful message and was well written. If only more children/young adults would heed to those inner warnings life would be so much easier for them. Good Job, I enjoyed this. God Bless~
James Robbins09/09/11
A story that NEEDS to be told over and over again. You are to be commended for the taking the challenge.

I would have liked to have seen the storyline (the ending from my perspective) addressed a little more fully to show how the relationship developed or not based on the characters' choice to make the "right" decision.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/11/11
This was very steamy and entertaining in the beginning. I wasn't quite sure where you were headed.

The ending was a bit of a let-down. It seemed like you tried to hard to tie it up. For me it might have been more believable if youhad the guy storms off angry.

I liked the characters and the message is a great one. So many Christians can easily get carried away just "by kissing" Nicely done.
Patricia Turner09/11/11
There's a great message here and you have some pretty good dialogue.

Adding a little more spacing will make your story more readable.

The end felt rushed and a little awkward - that word count limit can be tough!
Sheila Bird09/14/11
Your story caught my attention right away and took me way back to a time and place in my life that I had forgotten. I like the simplicity of your story and the message in it. Good work.