The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 421 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a beautiful tribute toyour big brother. I loved the bond the two shared.

Remember to use a new paragraph for each new speaker. Also double-check the rules for punctuation inside quotes. You also switched tenses from past to present. Try to stay consistent.

I love your sense of humor and laughed several times. You painted agreat picture for me. I could visualize the MC's ski equipment all of the mountain. I also enjoyed your fresh take on the topic. Nicely done.
09/02/11
You painted a very vivid picture as you recounted this memory with your brother. Your last line was my favorite - it made me laugh!

Keep writing!
09/03/11
Awww, what a beautiful story. A loving and poignant tribute to your brother. Nicely done, and had me smiling through misty eyes at the end. God Bless~
09/06/11
Nicely done. Loved the last line.
09/06/11
well done. This was moving to read and I liked the way you included humour as well as your tribute.

I would agree that you need to keep your tense consistent but overall, a lovely piece.
09/06/11
Love the tribute to your brother. Entertaining story, for sure.
09/07/11
Enjoyed this light-hearted tribute to your brother and your vivid detail had me praying too, as I read, that you’d make it down safely! :) Well written. Thanks for sharing this special time.
09/07/11
What a wonderful story and tribute to your brother. I was right there with you on each trail and you brought back memories of my first Black Diamond. Whew! What a jarring experience that was.

The only suggestion I have is to start a new paragraph with each speaker.

Nicely done. Can't wait to read more!
09/07/11
Aw wow, neat story! Sounded a lot like me and my big brother, except we've both skied since we could walk. Lots of great details put me right in the snow.

Loved your last line!
A great memory and story. It brought back memories of my skiing experiences. You definitely tell a good story. It's a beautiful tribute to your brother.