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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Great Expectations (not about the book) (08/25/11)

TITLE: Friendly Fire
By Shawn McNamara
08/30/11


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For thirty-eight years this war has been waged
It was year thirty-three when the battle cry changed

Conditioned by years of a fight from one side
It will take many more for the habits to subside.

Still on the front lines under constant attack
So hard to change sides, so easy to go back

He presses on bravely, he fights the good fight
Feels heís fighting alone thru the day and the night

In the midst of an onslaught he stops and he prays
For some help with the fight and thanks for being unscathed

Then BOOM an explosion disrupts all the Earth
He hits the ground quickly now covered with dirt

A brief moment of silence but the sound of his groan
Thereís fire being returned but it isnít his own

He gathers his gun, wipes the dirt from his face
To discover an army giving his opponent chase

He excitedly rises with new energy
And rejoins the battle with stronger belief

This army it surges ahead with such strength
They fight side by side within an armís length

His skills become stronger but now a sixth toe
In hopes that in time heíd get help of his own

During year thirty-six in a ditch under fire
Shares cover with another changed solo fighter

They come to terms quickly it seemed meant to be
But an uphill battle as they merge under siege

They also waged war on their own for so long
They both has different styles and they both were so strong

By year thirty-eight they were quite a force
But occasionally struggled with no self divorce

Still on the front lines under constant attack
Only this time a quick sharp pain enters his back

As he lie in the dirt face down and in pain
He waits for assistance but he waits in vein


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This article has been read 145 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/01/11
This is interesting and flows nicely. Although at times I felt confused I believed the was was his life and he not his wife when his luck changed. The ending took me by surprised as I suspect many are when a loved one status them in the back. Editing note in vein should be in vain. You did a lovely job with this complex poem. I think depending on the reader, it'll be taken in different ways. That's hard to do.
Shawn McNamara09/02/11
That is one of my favorite features of the marriage between words and a reader. Much like the written Word, depending on the individual and life at that time ... it can grab you in a number of ways. Thank you for your critique.
CD Swanson 09/03/11
Interesting twists, here and there. I enjoyed this unusual story. Nice job. God Bless~