The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 331 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
What a fun story :). Well done telling the story. Maybe watch the explaining- slip in the things the reader needs to know through subtle hints or dialogue. (like the doors locking automatically-- they tug at the door and one remembers, "they lock automatically" stuff like that) Whatever you can do to lessen the distance between the reader and the story helps. And the only other critique I have is that the ending felt a little abrupt. But, this is beginners and even the "masters" have trouble with that.

Good work. I enjoyed this.
08/25/11
I enjoyed your humorous adventure. I was impressed by your moment-by-moment descriptive chain of events. I appreciated your careful and humorous way this awkward incident provided reguarding adult content. It was refreshing.
Yes, this is one of my favorites so far.:)Well done! I liked your sensitivity to what could have been a sensationalized story. Your characters were believable too. I know first hand, how embarrassing this could be, as a similar incident happened to me so many years ago. Unfortunately I had no one there to help me once I got my cuffed shorts caught on a barbed wire fence and then lost my balance-three times!! Yeooooooow!! Needless to say I had deep puncture wounds and needed some medical attention. Oh yes and a new pair of shorts.:)Live and learn!:)
This is wonderful. You had me laughing throughout and it was a grerat picture in my head. I only have two tiny editing notes, make sure you start a new paragraph when a new person is thinking aloud or talking and you spelled Youtube wrong (although that might be okay because of licensing legalities) Great job and wonderful sense of humor. You really nailed the topic.
08/26/11
Hahahahahha...I am laughing hysterically over this entry. I adored this one,it was filled with humor while keeping in line with the topic.

Good story, and nice job with the descriptive piece of it. God Bless~
It sounded a little like pride coming before a fall.
Doesn't that just happen such a lot in life.
This story certainly had the ring of truth about it, in which case I bet that you now check the 'exit' arrangements!

An enjoyable read.

Juliette