The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 266 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Oh i like this, such honest feelings of frustration, fear, anxiety, anger-wow! What a lovely way to end the story- a melting heart of grumpiness comforting his wife of sixty two years-now that's an answer to her prayers. Well done! Thank God for friendships like Sally's and Jennifer's. I love the human realness of this piece!! I wanted to read more...could you please work on this and consider turning this into a short story or even a little longer story sometime? I wanted to see how this turned out and it was such a refreshing entry-like the raindrops that fell upon the two friends.Bravo!!
I completely agree with the previous comment.
Very refreshing read about the trials of an 80 year old and yet find it to be laced with humor and filled with comfort from the Word.
This day is coming for us all, some sooner than others, Lord willing.
08/26/11
This touched my heart...Having worked as a Director in Nursing Homes my whole career, I am certainly feeling the truth of the situations presented here!

Raw emotions, pure unadulterated emotions, and something that all of us can relate to. I loved the passages that were included in the story; and the way you wrap it up, so skillfully, with the promise of hope, and peace, which is GOD. Loved it! Nice job. God Bless you, keep writing~
This story really touched my heart. It was funny because the MC was able to laugh at some of the mistakes. It was also a touch sad and made me wonder if the MC has early Alzheimer's

Try double spacing between paragraphs to give the reader more white space. Also try tightening up your writing a bit by getting rid of unnecessary words. For example when the MC introduces Jack she could say " my husband of sixty-eight years, Jack."

There are other places where you can do that too. Having a limit of only 750 words helped me to tighten my writing. There are many times I need to cut 1,000 words or more.

Keep writing and check out some of the resources FW offers its members. There are mini-classes to help with writing and there are some threads on the message boards like Jan's Writing Basics that has helped me become a better writer. You definitely have raw, natural talent. I can feel your passion on your words and messages. You are doing great. Keep it up I have a feeling you have lots of wonderful stories in you just waiting to get out.