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Until recently I had been deluding myself – focusing on “all that I no longer have:” A marriage of thirty-two years that I believed would last “until death do us part” ended in divorce more than ten years ago. His lies and deceit caused the home that we jointly owned to be lost to his creditors, and our four grown children continue to be about their own lives – some seemingly lost in the dysfunction of it all. So ingrained in me was my role as wife and mother that I felt and even behaved as if part of me was lost as well.
After many years of wallowing in the old me image, I am struck with a newfound awareness – an epiphany that is changing my life: “There are no strings on me,” are words that delight children, but they make me smile with a renewed awareness that I am a child of God. “Isn’t it interesting?” I reflect, “God has given me a free will – to do as I please with the gifts He has given me.” Yet as a parent – until now I have not given my children the same space – the same freedom - loving them truly unconditionally.
You’re “too old,” is a response I have received while struggling to re-work life stripped of my former role. Perhaps I have exceeded the cutoff age for participation in some work fields. However, if I am to be earnest with myself I have to conclude that I am as old or as young as the perspective I choose with the dawn of each new day.
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