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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Much Ado about Nothing (not about the play) (07/28/11)

TITLE: Whoops-a-daisy
By Loretta Leonard


“ I got the baby stroller and the car seat, “ called Jason. “Let me get the groceries, then I'll start the grill”.

“Watch the door so Benny doesn't get out.”

Holly held open the door for Claire, their precious fourteen month old daughter. As Claire went inside Benny sneaked outside and headed towards the shade of the gardenia bush.

“Oh, no you don't!. Get back here you four-legged feline.” Holly scooped up the black cat and placed him inside. She gathered the diaper bag, a small bag of groceries that had slipped to the floor of the car, and her Veggie Tales books that she used to teach pre-school. She tossed the shoulder strap of her purse over her other shoulder, and entered the home. She used her foot to push the door closed and then with one swift motion from her hips,she pushed the door shut. Whew!.

“Do you have any barbecue sauce in one of those bags?' queried Jason. Holly grabbed the bottle and gave it to Jason. She headed upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes.

Claire settled down on the living room floor surrounded by her toys. She loved her new dump truck with its bright red, green, blue and yellow blocks. Pick them up-dump them out. Stack them up. Knock them down. Then do it all over again.

“I'll get the corn husked and ready to cook.” remarked Holly. .

The interactive toy piano with its brightly colored keys resounded with a series of harmonic tones followed by a series of various tinkling sounds in no particular order. Jason peaked from the kitchen and checked on Claire. Holly double-checked about five minutes later. Just the sound of a child wrapped up in playing toys and chattering away.

“9-1-1- What is the nature of your emergency?” Brett, the dispatcher on the force, answered the phone on the second ring and waited patiently to hear the voice on the other end. “Hello, Can you tell me what's wrong?”

Unable to distinguish anything, Brett tried again. “Hello. Can you say your name? Do you need an ambulance? Is someone in the house?” Still nothing but some garbled words. “I need you to stay on the line. I'm sending a car out right away.” Every call had to be checked out and entered into the log book. Nothing was left to chance.

“Stan, we have a 10-67. Get in the car and head out to 354 Wild Cherry Lane and see what is going on. Be careful. I really don't know what the situation is. “ Stan grabbed his hat, picked up his keys and headed out the door.

The black and white cruiser twisted and handled the country curves easily. Stan had lived in the area for more than ten years and knew every road like the back of his hand. No need for a fancy GPS. Reaching his destination, Stan turned off the ignition and got out of the car. Everything appeared quiet and nothing looked amiss..

Holly and Jason heard the chime of their doorbell. From the window they could see the police cruiser in the driveway. Perplexed, Holly opened the door and looked directly into the face of a rather serious-looking Stan who wanted some answers.

“I received a 9-1-1 call from this address. Do you need help?” Jason came to the door, looking just as confused as Holly. No one had an inkling of what had transpired.

“May I come in. I have to double check everything,” stated Stan. His radio buzzed and he quickly responded “Code 4”.

Just at that minute everyone heard Claire jabbering away. And, yes, there was the telephone in her hand. She loved to talk on the phone but usually someone else dialed the number. This time she had amazingly dialed 9-1-1 in the right sequence and set off an alarm at the police station.

Everyone finally understood how the mystery had unfolded. Officer Stan gave both parents a warning to be sure that the phone was out of Claire's reach whenever they were out of the room. This call wasn't serious but what about the next time?

Satisfied that everything was under control, Stan headed out the door. Benny scooted out the door and almost made it to the shaded area until Holly spied him. “You are one sneaky guy, aren't you? Get back in here.”

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This article has been read 292 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rachael Severa08/04/11
I like your story on how something so innocent can go completely wrong. You might want to break up the sentences a little for an easier read. Good Job!
Rachael Severa08/04/11
Retract: when reviewing again, I think it read just the way it should have. OOps!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/04/11
I really liked this, The characters were great andI can see a kid dialing just that.

It did start a little slow. You did a nice job with the details in painting a picture for me but A lot of it wasn't needed to move the story along.

I really perked up with the 911 call. I can see you're working on that show vs. tell. You're doing a good job. Something that will help even more is to get rid of the tag lines like said etc. For example instead of Jason queried try Jason peeked over his wife's shoulder. It gives is a picture and lets us know Jason is speaking.

Overall great story and fun characters with a fresh take on the topic.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/19/11
Congratulations on ranking 9th in level one!