The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/05/11
The dialogue was great. It was easy to understand and able to tell each characters place. However, the end was a little confusing. The smoother transition perhaps into what the lesson Roberto learned. Very real for our teenagers today. Excellent story. :-)
This is a nice story. As a parent I can relate to having to tell my kids no. Thankfully, they understood and never made me feel bad.

Your dialog is good. You could make it more natural if you used contractions. In formal writing, many were taught to avoid contractions, but when using dialog, try to be more natural. Listen to how people talk every chance you get and try to imitate that.

You did a good job covering the topic without making it obvious. I also think you have a great message for kids and adults. Nice job!
Actually after glancing over the dialog there were only one or two spots where you didn't use contractions, so I'm sorry I focused just on the one or two times you didn't use them. Oops Nice job! Again sorry.