The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 347 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Good story. You need to investigate formatting of dialogue. It would help the flow and clarity.
08/04/11
Cute story! Very real because it happens to us all. Love how you made the real connection.
08/04/11
Cute story. Writing in need of spellcheck and formatting. Writer has potential for story telling.
08/08/11
In most instances, if you format your dialogue so that what each person says is on a different line, then it won't be necessary to tell the reader whose talking. "Sally says," Sally's mother asks..."

Spacing is key. It makes your piece easier to read. Check out some of the Level 4 stories. Edit, edit, edit. I noticed a few spelling errors. For ex. They're rather than their, burrows rather than burrouws, and exclamied rather than esclaimed.

I loved the thought that not only were the shoes found, but also a new and deeper relationship between the sisters.
08/08/11
I must follow my own advice.:-)exclaimed rather than exclamied
The story is and sweet and typical of so many siblings.

You need to start a mew paragraph each time there is A new speaker. Even one one word like What? should be in its own paragraph. Also get rid of the tags like said exclaimed by painting the reader a picture. For example in the beginning say something like: She flopped on her belly and looked under the bed. It lets the reader know who is talking as well as what they are doing when they are talking.

You've a great start at weaving a story. Keep writing and try not to get discouraged. You definitely have a natural storytelling gift.