The Official Writing Challenge
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Nice visualizations. I was able to 'see' what they were doing throughout the story. I felt it was a bit of a leap from the shot to the jail cell. Maybe a bit more about getting away then getting caught...then...landing in the cell. Still very easy read. Good work!
08/02/11
Very good story! The drama made me hold my breath. And I like the way you chose to end it. :)
08/02/11
Fast moving story with action that pulsed with energy.

The shorter sentences in the last half were the strongest in the piece.

Trust the dialog to carry the story.
08/02/11
You did a great job writing this piece. I kind of wish you would have stopped before you got to the jail cell scene. Of course, you wouldn't have gotten to the punishment part, though. You lost your momentum when you hit that scene. Nice job! Great action!
You show excellent suspense in your story, and you're definitely on topic.