Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Crime and Punishment (not about the book) (07/21/11)

TITLE: Tory's Story:
By Sherry Norton
07/22/11


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. My dad left even before I was born. My mom tried to make up for not having a dad, but I knew it was my fault and if I were'nt in the picture they'd still be together.

When I was old enough I started running with the wrong crowd, but what can I say, they were the family I didn't have. Mom worked all the time. She left the flat before I got up, and came in after I was already in bed asleep most every day and night.

One day I was walking along Jefferson St. and I saw a blue bike like one I saw in the catelog that I wanted, and no one was around so I borrowed it to take a spin around the block. Before I got ten feet someone was shouting stop! That's my bike!

I replied, I'm not doin' anythin' wrong. Just wanted to borrow it for a few minutes. No harm no foul.

What's the problem, I wasn't hurtin' it.

That's my bike and stealing is wrong. Don't you know that was a crime and punishment is usually to be expected? I can cause lots of trouble for you, because of what you've done.

I said, I'm sorry, I don't see that I've done anythin' wrong. I just wanted to test it out and borrow it to go around the block, I'd broughtit back. Why make such a big deal out of it.

He asked, is it your bike? Does it belong to you? or Did you have promission to take it anywhere?

No, no and no. I was'nt goin' to hurt it though.

It does'nt matter, taking something that is not yours is stealing and that is against the law, a crime and people are put in jail for things like that.

Jail! I didn't do anythin' wrong, not really, I was goin' to bring it back after I went around the block, I exclaimed.

Well, I guess I can let it go this time, but don't try that again, someone else might not be so generous. What you did was pretty bad, he said.

Yah, thanks. Got to go now, see ya around maybe.

I took off and ran all the way home, jumping fences and goin' through back yards.

Later:
Mom called me to come to the front door, someone was asking for me. Who is it? Come and see, she said.

It was blue bike guy. He asked can I come out and see what He had for me. And I answered, sure, I guess.

When I came out of the flat, there was a silver gray bike standing beside his blue bike. Where'd that one come from, I asked.

Don't worry, I brought it, it's for you.

Me!

Yes, you.

What for I asked. He said, because I wanted to. But, But, But..... I spluttered.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a reward for the wrong, I just wanted to share my pleasure.

Oh wow, thank you mister. Mom, oh mom come out here and see my bike, I cried.

Much later.
After years I grew up and married and we have three kids to teach and guide. Lessons like forgiving, and treating others like you would like to be treated, and showing mercy, and not taking things that don't belong to you without promission.

God bless the blue bike guy.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 181 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Virgil Youngblood 07/29/11
This is a tender story with a warm message. Be sure to use quotation marks when writing conversation. There are writing lessons available in the Forum section that are worth checking out. Keep writing.
Rachael Severa 07/29/11
It is a heartwarming story of forgiveness. I liked the way the kid that owned the bike brought a bike for the other. Nice ending with that. Also, you could use some quotations. Thanks for the read.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/04/11
This is A great story but I felt like I was hearing it over the phone, I want to read and feel like I'm watching it on TV. It's the old adage, show Don't Tell. For example in your line, He asked, is it your bike?

Show me what he looked like. Just by changing it slightly you have a picture for the reader: His face slowly turned red; he shook his fist at me, "Is this your bike?"

I love your characters and the ending was so great. You have wonderful stories in you Don't stop writing them.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/04/11
Congratulations on ranking 11th in level one!
diana kay08/06/11
great story and well written. If you take not of the positive comments and suggestions this will polish it up for the readers but the plot and the theme and the message are all there.
Did you use the title Tory's Story as a pun on Toy Story? I personally would have called it 'The tale of two bikes' but that's just me!