The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 307 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/11
Oh, my oh my, ok, . . . let me say something. All right, that story was mesmerizing . . . I mean your description was so captivating of mounting tension, I fully sympathetically identified with the child. Good and powerful interest generators in gear there. But, that strength soon shock stopped. I went from being fully in the scene, to being lectured about the scene – and so abruptly, it frustrated me. Story telling and preaching can be interweaved, for great effect; but, no such attempt was done here: first part to tell, next part to sell – better to sell, while you tell, if you wish to have sold, what you told.

Well, . . . enough on that.

You sure can write a spellbinding story.
07/21/11
This didn't frustrate me at all. Yes, the first part was a spellbinding story; but the second part was like a second half of a devotional. I think they blended in quite well together.

- But to each his, or her, own.
07/23/11
Your opening paragraphs in which you describe a child's terror of an unknown visitor is well written and draws the reader in.
Your final chapters seem to me to draw conclusions from you illustrations which make perfect sense.
08/02/11
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!
08/02/11
After reading the other comment I had to say this is a great devotional. I love it when the author tells me a part of their life, it's a great way of showing how people learn what God teaches them.

Maybe if you had connected it by saying Now all these years later, I remember the lesson God taught me instead of just putting the stars in the first commenter might not have been so jarred, but again I loved it!