The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/11
Oh, my oh my, ok, . . . let me say something. All right, that story was mesmerizing . . . I mean your description was so captivating of mounting tension, I fully sympathetically identified with the child. Good and powerful interest generators in gear there. But, that strength soon shock stopped. I went from being fully in the scene, to being lectured about the scene – and so abruptly, it frustrated me. Story telling and preaching can be interweaved, for great effect; but, no such attempt was done here: first part to tell, next part to sell – better to sell, while you tell, if you wish to have sold, what you told.

Well, . . . enough on that.

You sure can write a spellbinding story.
07/21/11
This didn't frustrate me at all. Yes, the first part was a spellbinding story; but the second part was like a second half of a devotional. I think they blended in quite well together.

- But to each his, or her, own.
Your opening paragraphs in which you describe a child's terror of an unknown visitor is well written and draws the reader in.
Your final chapters seem to me to draw conclusions from you illustrations which make perfect sense.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!
After reading the other comment I had to say this is a great devotional. I love it when the author tells me a part of their life, it's a great way of showing how people learn what God teaches them.

Maybe if you had connected it by saying Now all these years later, I remember the lesson God taught me instead of just putting the stars in the first commenter might not have been so jarred, but again I loved it!