“Just open the door and step out.”
I shudder at the suggestion. Imagine what would happen if I did! We’re on the interstate going over seventy miles per hour. I push the thought away.
“You know you want to.”
No, I don’t want to! – Dear Lord, forgive me, I don’t mean to have thoughts like this.
“You must be some kind of nut-case. Why else would you be having crazy thoughts? Or else maybe you just hate your life. Yeah, that’s probably it. What have you ever done that’s amounted to anything? ”
Stop! I do not hate my life, that’s ridiculous.
“A school kid could do your job - probably better than you. Well, maybe not your kids, they’re some real pieces of work, aren’t they? How about that Jimbo, detention huh? Well, in school you don’t really have freedom of speech, I guess. What kind of a kid talks back to his teacher, anyway? .... Yours, apparently.
That’s not fair - what Jim did was wrong, but his reason was sound. He was standing up for his friend. What is wrong with me, why am I thinking all these weird thoughts?
“Let’s not forget precious little Susie-Q. She’s saving you a bundle. Cuts her own hair now and she’s only six. And what a look! What did she use to cut it? – a scythe?????”
No, I would never let her near a scythe!
“Hey, and look at that handsome guy you’re married to. Thinning hair, bulging belly -just sitting there driving, not caring that you’re ‘not quite yourself’ shall we say? When did he ever care? He’s only thinking about himself as usual. Boy, you know how to pick’em! But that’s the whole point isn’t it? You just don’t seem to be very good at anything. You know what I think? I think you should go ahead and open that door.”
This is so weird, I must be over-tired, or over-stressed about going on this mission trip. We are going to do such much for these disaster-struck families. So why do I feel so inadequate and why am I having these thoughts?
“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking too. You must be sick. Who else has thoughts like this? Do you even think you could mention any of this to anyone? No, you know why? Because you’re the only one - you’re a freak. You better keep it to yourself. If you were to tell anyone they’d think you were nuts. They might even take away your kids and put you away.”
No, I’m not a freak! No, Dear Lord, don’t let it be true. I’m not a freak. It’s not true, none of it. It sounds true, but it’s all twisted. Twisted into lies.
Lies...lies that attack me where I feel most vulnerable. Lies.... coming from the prince of lies.
Lord Jesus, help me because now I know whose thoughts these are. As St. Paul said, “We are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Dear Lord you once prayed to your Father to protect us from the powers of the evil one while we are here in the world. I pray for that protection now. Lord, don’t let me ever forget to thank and praise you for the peace that you have already won.
And Lord, right now I need one more thing - I’m not opening the door to step out, I love the life You’ve given me. But there’s someone else here, who needs to be shown the door...
That’s odd – he was here a minute ago. He must have already stepped out!
Bible reference: Ephesians 6:12, New Living Translation
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