Again I lay in darkness listening to the door close behind him.
Why do I continue to torment myself, allowing my desires to persuade me to continue dividing a family!?
It hurts...so bad. It's okay though, he always tells me it'll work out in the end.
I cry every time he leaves and it makes no sense because I know...I know that he has to go back to her. I should be over this by now!
He says that he will leave her. He's been saying it for three years now. I sit, waiting. Waiting and knowing that it will happen...it WILL happen, I just have to be patient. I've always been told that love waits and here I am...still waiting, on my love.
He was my first. The very first guy I had ever been with, and since the day we met he had my heart. The way he approached me as I walked home from school and told me I was beautiful...a man had never told me I was beautiful, not the way he said it.
He was way more mature than the guys I knew and I told him that I would be 18 in a couple of days, this made him smile...he has a very nice smile. My mom and dad never knew about him until now, to say the least, they don't care for him. It's okay though...I care for him and they will never break us apart, nobody will.
My friends call me dumb for carrying on with him but I love him, I do love him so much. I got accepted to Princeton which was and IS my dream school but I couldn't leave him...not for that long. I went to the local community college instead and it's actually not that bad, just had to change my major but I'm young...there will always be time later.
He'll leave her soon and then I can finish school wherever I want...he promised me that we could move near Princeton too; I can't wait!
It's okay for now, he gives me all of his time anyway--I bet she has no clue that he's here. He doesn't really love her, just staying for the kids...he tells me all the time and I know this for sure.
He loves me. He tells me every night that we're together...he really does love me and I love him too so what is wrong with this? This is what people in love do, there's nothing wrong with this. This isn't "lust" like my mom and dad and friends say, this is love. True love that they will never understand.
So I'm alone...again--nothing new. He has to get home before she wakes, it's the respectable thing to do until he leaves her--it's going to be soon, I know for sure. He's just waiting on his son to graduate middle school; I can't wait until we have our own family.
So I sit here on the bed...again. Alone...again. One week and I'll get to be with him, I hope it flies by. The thought along keeps me going and lets me know that we will be together soon enough. I love being with him; he completes me.
I wipe my face and the mascara that has made black salty streams on both sides of my face. I put on a smile and walk to the front desk to greet Mrs.Luiz, she's always there on our Thursday nights, she looks at me in the same way she always does. I give her a sly grin, as usual, and say "Hello, Checkout please, Room 262".
I can't wait until next week.
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