The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Abortion never solves the problem. However, it is sad to think how many girls get them because of false information or pressure from loved ones.

I especially liked the last line of your story.
Your story drew me in from the beginning. Well told. I was hoping, and kind of assuming, the story would end with her checking out and not going through with it. However, the fact that she didn't, and the reality that it would forever linger with her, was poignant. Someone considering abortion who read that might think twice with the way you ended it, unlike if your character had left.
I liked the pace and the imagery. I also thought the pain and the fear seemed very real. Nice job. Good story.
Wow! What a haunting story! I had really hoped Laurie wouldn't go through with it, but the fact that she did and will later regret it may indeed speak more powerfully than it would had she decided not to abort the child.
Your last sentence is haunting.

I found the second paragraph to read a little bit stiff--it might help to use 'her mother' or even 'her mom' in place of the formal-sounding 'Mother'. You're more likely to see the capitalized 'Mother' in stories with a less contemporary setting.

Otherwise, really good job for this level. The part where you had her determined not to make a sound was a great bit of "show, not tell". More of that, and you're definitely on your way.
You did a nice job on this difficult topic. I liked your courage in having her go through-with the abortion instead of the safer route of changing her mind at the last second, It really made your message stand Out.

Congratulations for placing 12th in level one!