The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/17/05
I wonder if a little more explaination before hand might help here? I would like to know what happened just prior to them being outside to help clear up questions about this story.. I think you could have a much longer longer story to tell here. would be intresting to read... be encouraged..
10/19/05
What drama! Unfortunately for some young people, this does happen.Thanks for sharing this wonderfully suspenseful story.
10/21/05
I can see that you're working hard on the "show, don't tell" rule - and you're getting there. There were a couple of gaps, but I was able to figure it out as I read. Keep writing - you're definitely on the right track!
I think it's good, though I also think it would be better as part of a whole. Do you have plans in that regard?
10/23/05
Good story. I'm glad the father was there for her, just like our Father always is there for us. Chris needs to get caught and come to God, what do you think? Keep writing!
10/24/05
Jeffrey, this was a very creative entry and I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing more from you in the future. You actually ranked 7th in the Level 1 list, and 36th overall (out of 135 entries). So be encouraged. You are definitely going the right way.

Just one thing I made a note of to let you know. There were some formatting problems with your entry when you submitted it. It happens from time to time when someone uploads a Word file that isn't in plain text, or even sometimes copies and pastes that into the submission box. It can also happen if the computer is set for a foreign language. It makes all the apostrophes, hyphens, quotation marks, etc., appear as strange symbols.

I went through and cleaned yours up before it went public, but wanted to let you know that there had been a problem. Just make sure that you use plain text files if uploading, and it doesn't hurt to go over the apostrophes, colons, hypens, quotation marks again once the entry is in the submission box - just to be on the safe side.

The problem with formatting problems like this is that often the person who submitted it can't actually see anything wrong at all. Their computer shows everything as being fine (particularly if it is due to a foreign language computer). So it can make it a little hard to correct if you can't see it. But if you remember to use plain text files and type over those particular punctuation marks, you should be okay.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)