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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Checkout (06/09/11)

TITLE: Caitlyn's Money Woes
By Ken Ebright
06/12/11


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Caitlyn went to the checkout line at the grocery store. It had been a bad day. The clerk rung up her groceries and said, "It will be $18.75 please."

Caitlyn opened her wallet, "Ohhhh no," she started to cry.

"What's wrong?" asked the clerk.

"It…it's been a bad day; I had a flat tire this morning and then I lost all of my credit cards. I thought I had a 20 dollar bill in my wallet. My husband gets his check today, but he will not be able to deposit it until tonight. I thought I had enough money for my groceries."

This perked the ears of a blond lady that was waiting in line. "Excuse me ma'am, but how much to you need?"

"Eight seventy-five."

"Don't worry, you're covered," the blond lady handed the cashier the rest of the money.

Caitlyn shook her head, “You don’t have to do that. I’ll just put some groceries back. My kids will just have to drink water tonight instead of milk. That will be fine."

"What’s your name?" asked the blond-haired lady.

"Caitlyn."

"Caitlyn, my name is Jane, I want to be a blessing to you; don’t worry about it." the cashier took the cash.

Caitlyn rolled her eyes, "Are you sure? I can pay you back."

The cashier rang up Jane’s groceries, "I just want to be a blessing to you."

Both women started to walk to their cars; Caitlyn was flustered, she accidentally dropped her keys on the ground, and had trouble pickling them up. "I'm shocked; I have never had anyone pay for my groceries."

Jane smiled as they walked to their cars. “I believe in Jesus, I love him very much. I want to share the love of Jesus, to everyone I come in contact with. I also have 11 kids of my own so I know how hard it is to survive on very little money. Jesus loves you: he died for you. I believe he sent me to help."

Caitlyn looked down as she stopped by her car. "I don’t know what to say; I'm not very religious. I have never had someone help me like this before."

"Jesus loves you, please get to know him." Jane handed a tract to her.

Caitlyn glanced through it. "I don't know about this Jesus thing, but I still need to pay you back. Can I have your address so I can send you the money?"

"Don’t worry about it, just read the tract I gave you."

Caitlyn was persistent, "Okay… Are you sure you don't want me to pay you back? You're absolutely sure? I'll have the money tonight."

Jane smiled as she headed to her car. "Just get to know Jesus; the Lord will pay me back."


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This article has been read 155 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Bonnie Bowden06/16/11
Such an act of kindness never goes unnoticed. A couple of Sunday's ago a missionary reminded me that it's not our money anyway.
Adele Butler06/16/11
Nice story of a woman whose act of kindness reflected her relationship with Jesus. Her love for Him and others allowed her to bear good fruit--helping the woman and sharing her faith.
Nancy Bucca06/16/11
The last line says it sll: The Lord will pay me back.
Jan Ackerson 06/19/11
A lovely and sweet story.

The word 'blond' refers to males; when writing about females, use 'blonde'. And I thought the back-and-forth between the two women went on a bit long; if you were looking to have the story fill the alloted word count, consider adding a bit more character development.

This is a great story for the topic, and a wonderful start!
Phee Paradise 06/20/11
You told this so well that I wanted to talk to Jane. She was an obedient servant and evangelist, but I wish she had given Caitlyn her phone number so she could have followed up.
Lillian Rhoades 06/22/11
This is a great story of how opportunities to showcase Jesus occur in the course of our day.

The story line was somewhat simplistic and predictable. An opening sentence should immediately catch the reader's interest. I would work on this. For example: "It had been a bad day.." is a better "hook," in my opinion.:-)

Keep writing and reading, you're on the right track!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/23/11
I can tell you are really working at showing not telling and getting rid of the tags. Keep up the hard work, it is paying off!


   
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