The Official Writing Challenge
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06/16/11
Very well written. There was a natural progression to the ending. I like how the purpose of the title was revealed in the end. I was drawn into the story.
06/16/11
This is a well told story. The MC's are interesting and likeable.

I know people who don't know who their father is. It leaves a big void in their lives.

The story fits the topic for this week. I hope it does well in the standings.
06/16/11
Beautifully written, well done.
06/16/11
Very well written story. I love the happy ending. The father didn't check out on her the first time and he didn't the second time. It's like God. He is the Daddy whose shoulders we can sit on. He's the Daddy that will never check out on us. Great story. I hope you get a good standing.
06/16/11
This was intense and pulled me right in. I love the way you wrote it and paced it out. Wonderful ending.
06/19/11
Good job of including conflict and developing a plot arc in this story.

I felt that the dialog--in particular the father's first long speech--was stilted and in some cases not entirely realistic.

The final image was superb, and was a great way to end this story.
06/20/11
Excellent story and use of topic. Thus could easily be developed into a book. Great job!
Good job! Yu could feel the daughter's confusion and hesitation as well as the longing in her to know her other parent. Nicely written. Keep it up.
This is a great story, I liked the twists and turns. It broke my heart when the mother said bad things about her father. As a single mother of a daughter who's father couldn't be in her life, I felt for the MC. When my daughter asked about her father my reply away was he loved you so much, but knew he was too young to be a good father so he did what he thought was best for you. I enjoyed the twists and the ending was great.

Congratulations for placing 7th in level one!
08/31/11
I agree with Jennifer Hill. This would make a wonderful novel or novella. It's good as a short story. It would be powerful as a novel.

I'd like to read details of the first encounter with her father - expanded and fraught with tension. I'd like to read the details of Natalie's feelings when she flushes the paper down the toilet. Etc, etc.