Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Outlook (06/02/11)

TITLE: Looking Up
By Robin Ocasio
06/09/11


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Oh no, not again!” moaned Judy Davis.

Then with a deep breath and a voice that was surprisingly strong for the petite figure peering out the kitchen window on tiptoes. “Ed, come hear and look at this.”

She bellowed as if an intruder might slay her within minutes. As is her adoring husband were three states away. Rather than three feet away, calmly sitting at the table, sipping coffee, enjoying the morning newspaper, watching his young family flying thru their morning routines.

“What’s that Judy dear?”

“That creepy old man is pawing thru our trash again.”

Ed knew exactly to whom Judy referred.

Penny and Lucky Fergusson made their abode in a series of run down shacks along side such well to do establishments as Cliffside Manor, Rolling Woods Estates, and Hillsides Manor.

A dilapidated weather beaten old sign marked the entrance to the Fergusson property, boasting the name “Good Fortunes Inc.” Only the truly interested would notice the washed out wording beneath. “All good things come from the Father above.” Those who did would typically snort and shake their heads. Not seeing “good fortune” as having come to the Fergusson’s, from above or otherwise.

Indeed, Penny was often seen slowly walking thru town, bent over, and meticulously scanning the ground for loose change. Lucky, also made a daily circuit, dumpster diving, collecting recyclable cans and bottles. Apparently this was how they made their living.

A few of the “good folks” in town, feeling sorry for the unfortunates, would “salt” the streets with change or buy a few extra can goods to throw away. Most folks steered a wide berth around the couple, fearing they might catch some disease or simply trying to avoid the surrounding aroma. The local children where especially cruel, frequently calling out taunts or playing some joke - like super gluing a hundred pennies to the sidewalk.

Ed, a medical examiner, felt sorry for Lucky, as his beloved Penny had recently fallen ill and passed away in the night. It was especially sad to him, knowing that Penny would have survived the illness, if only she had received medical treatment.

Now, Lucky roamed the streets, expanding his route. Yet for all his labor, he seemed to be growing thinner and more haggard by the day. His face was gaunt. He looked like a skin and bones covered in rags. Or was that old potato sacks stitched together to make clothes?

“Ed” called Judy, “Something weird is going on out there! A channel 22 News van just pulled up beside that old coot.”

“Oh my goodness, Lucky is going to be on TV!” She exclaimed in astonishment. “Why Ed, What is so important about him? I hope this doesn’t reflect badly on our quiet little town.”

Looking up from his newspaper Ed replied, “I expect it has something to do with this article Judy.”

Judy rushed over to the table to read the headline.

“Scholastic Outlook Looking Up for the areas Local Youth!”

“Resident Hermit and Unknown Billionaire, Lucky Fergusson sets up trust fund in memory of late wife Penny Fergusson to enable youth from Bethel Alabama and surrounding towns to a full scholarship to a college or trade school of choice…...”

Ed looked at Judy, her eyes grew big and a mixture of shame and joy played across her face. Tears filled her eyes.

“Oh Ed,” she spoke quietly “I guess we never know when angles live among us or how the Father will work to bless others.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 213 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/11/11
This is a nice piece with interesting characters. I did notice in the first paragraph you used the word hear. I was confused if you really meant here or hear as either would got the sentence. In cases like that you might want to try rewording the sentence like Come here! Or come, hear and see what...

I liked how the story moved Story moved at the right pace. The message was perfect! How sad that today people do have to scrounge the dumpster. Nice message.
Jim McWhinnie 06/12/11
Fine bit of story writing that became stronger once you ventured into dialog.

The piece could use a bit of grammatical editing.

Excellent storytelling.
Nancy Bucca 06/12/11
Aside from minor grammatical errors, this story is a hit in my book. You told it well, with a nice twist added in at the end. Very enjoyable read.