If you’re going to do anything, do it with all you’ve got. Or don’t do it at all.
This was Tony’s motto. It framed every effort he pursued. He would always tell himself, “If I’m going to do it, do it with my whole heart. Completely sellout to it or don’t bother.” He was always quick to say to others, “Follow your heart.” He truly believed if you did that, you couldn’t go wrong.
But now, for the first time in his life, he was questioning that. He was alone trying to process the last few hours. He came home on a Friday night like most previous Fridays. But when he got home, everything changed.
“Honey, I’m home!”
His wife stood there looking at him. She was visibly upset and it was clear she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
He couldn’t get an answer from her. She looked at him with a combination of disappointment and anger.
“Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” He was genuinely concerned.
For the past 32 years, he’d always known his wife to be loving and caring. But she was also calm, stable, and a rock in every life situation. It was these qualities that he admired so deeply. But she just looked at him. She looked like it was taking every ounce of strength in her to contain an explosion.
“Did I do something to upset you?
She finally broke her silence. “Would you care to explain the sales trip you took two weeks ago and Jane Brody?”
Now Tony stood in stunned silence. He was searching for words. He realized that she must have found out about an indiscretion with a coworker during a recent business trip. He thought to ask “what do you mean?” but his gut told him that would only add gas to the fire.
“How did you find out?”
She collected herself and said, “Do you really think that matters now?”
“No, I guess not. Where are the kids?”
“They’re at my mom’s which is where I’m heading.”
He began to cry. “What will happen now?” What is your heart telling you right now?”
With raised voice, “Really Tony? Is that really your solution to the mess you’ve created? Clearly, you have shown that following your heart is not a good blanket life philosophy.”
“Because it ignores the larger question, which is namely what is your heart following? You believe the human heart is this place of unquestioned purity. So just following it is all that is needed in life.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
She began to shout. “What’s wrong? You believe the human heart is pure. God’s word says it’s evil and wicked and capable of all kinds of garbage.”
“So following your heart is bad?”
“That depends on what your heart is following. If it’s following the Lord then you are in a better place to follow it. When it’s sold out to your own selfish desires … well, here we are.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I am going to my mom’s. I need to sort out MY own heart. Sort out the anger and the outrage. Then, I’m going to talk to our pastor’s wife and … do a whole lot of praying.”
Still crying Tony asked, “What will you be praying for?”
Through her own tears she replied, “I’ll be asking the Lord to form and feed my heart. I don’t think you want me to follow my heart right now.”
She then picked up the suitcase he hadn’t noticed and stormed out slamming the door. Tony stood there looking out the window as she drove off. In a moment everything he knew changed. He walked into the kitchen and there was a note on the table. All that was on it was their pastor’s cell number and the words “if you truly care about me and this family, please call him.”
He thought to himself, in what was without question the most devastating and painful moment of his entire life, that her leaving him a number for a counselor was a sign of hope.
At this point, we would take it and vowed to sell out completely to it!
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