The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/11
This has the makings of a wonderful story. It just needs a little more proofreading.
The core of the story has potential but to repeat Bonnie's wisdom it does need polishing. Be encouraged and keep going developing your craft.
This is a nice story with a powerful message. Next time try finding a computer to send it rather than the android. There are many mistakes that are distracting that I think you would notice on a full s teen device. I know how diffict it is to type on my iPod.

It's amazing how when God wants to get his message across he does it with gusto. It Is a great message.