The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 276 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/11
I like the reminder of God's grace and love, but I was a little confused by the changes in time. Your jumps from the past to the present were somewhat abrupt and you changed tenses frequently, even within the same paragraph. But the event is powerful.
Powerful story with lovely images. It seemed as though there might be more than one story. Because of the depth of the story it may have caused confusion with the timing of events. Also reading it aloud might avoid some of the flow problems created by the lack of punctuation. I took from it though a strong message of God's grace.
06/04/11
A powerful story of God's mercy and grace. Keep writing, it gets easier and better with time. You definitely have talent. God bless!
06/06/11
There is a passion that is struggling to express itself in your writing. Its like the writer wants to scream and yell about God's grace yet at the same time the character says am quietly reminiscing. Be patient in your writing. Lovely story though. God bless.
This is a great story and gripped me from the beginning I will admit the term arachnoid cyst brought images of a sac filled with spiders that would crawl out her eyeballs. (In truth it's a cyst that may look spider-like around the membrane of the brain) I am very grateful that that didn't happen.

Having been sick now for half of my life I often wonder if I sold out to my illness. Could a better person have handled it differently? And what about my kids did they deserve a less handicapped mom? Some may argue this isn't strong on the topic bit I think you covered it nicely; in truth you managed a couple of subtle definitions of sellout in the story.