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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sellout (05/26/11)

TITLE: I Failed to Love Him
By
06/01/11


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“Over here,” I said, over my shoulder as I pulled the branches aside to make way for them with their torches. I knew the path very well. I can find it with my eyes closed. We have been here many times before and tonight, I knew this is where he would go.

(Flashback) “Hey, you!” a voice called out. I turned around to see who it was. A Roman soldier stood 10 feet away looking straight at me. He kicked his sandals at the large pack by his feet, kicking up the dry dust as he did, and I knew right away what he meant. The sun was high in the sky, but the heat radiating from it could not compare to the boiling in my blood and the hatred I felt for this man right at that moment. A mile is not very far, only when a Roman soldier has you carrying his burden for him in the heat of the day. Like many others, I longed for the Messiah to come to teach these wretched Roman bastards a lesson. “Your day will come,” I muttered under my breath as I followed him for half a mile more, stabbing imaginary daggers at his back with my eyes.

(Present) No sound was made by our sandals as we walked past the olive trees into the garden. All I can hear is the rapid breathing of my companions for the night, the silver coins in my pouch and the echo of the voice I cannot remove from my mind. What did he mean by “turn the other cheek?” He’s our king! He’s supposed to save us from those oppressive tyrants and drive them away or annihilate them as they did to us, not tell us to walk an extra mile for them. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work! One day, the Zealot and I almost succeeded in making him the king he is supposed to be.

(Flashback) I smiled as I bent down picking up leftover pieces of bread and fish that people had discarded and placed it in my basket. This is it! It’s Him! He’s finally here and those Romans will finally get what they deserve! It’s like the story of Moses all over again as it is told in the Torah, except with five loaves of bread and two small fish and not a massive ocean. There are over 5000 men here today, and many more women and children. Only the Messiah can perform a miracle like this and He will punish the Romans for their tyranny. And I get to rule with Him because I’m one of His disciples! “This is the moment we have been waiting for,” Simon the Zealot said, “we have 5000 men right here and they want to make Jesus the king! They want to fight for Him and follow Him to establish His kingdom here!”

(Present) “The one I kiss is the One,” I had told the soldiers the High Priest had sent with me. That day’s plan had failed. Jesus escaped, refusing to be the king we all wanted Him to be. Maybe this is it. I can finally convince Him to be the One we have been waiting for, to do what He should do, to establish His kingdom on earth so that I and the others can rule and reign with Him. I passed the eight, sitting up and rubbing their eyes with a look of shock at the crowd I brought with me. A little bit further were Peter, James and John; His favorites. He always took them with Him someplace more intimate. I walked straight up to Him. “Master,” I said as I kissed Him on the cheek. Pulling away I looked to see His reaction. Surely, He will call on His angels to smite these Roman soldiers and escape like He always does?

(Flashforward) I don’t know what happened. This wasn’t a part of the plan. I thought He was the Messiah? I thought He was going to rule and I was going to reign with Him? But these Roman bastards are still here. They still control us and now they have killed Him. The arrogant dogs mocked, shamed, humiliated Him and executed Him like a common criminal. Now, I’ve betrayed an innocent man and His blood is on my hands because I sold Him out. No kingdom, no freedom, and no hope. Perhaps, this noose will make more sense rather than the disillusion.


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This article has been read 224 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leola Ogle 06/04/11
Enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing! God bless!
Joanne Sher 06/05/11
Oh- I like it. A great retelling of Judas' story. Good detail!
Nigel Byng06/06/11
Judas is usually given a bad rap. While I felt you could have expanded more on his inner turmoil as many of us play the Judas role from time to time. However, I think you did a good job with the word limit we have. God bless and keep sharing as he inspires you.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/06/11
Wow I really liked this. I'm usually pretty good at picking up hints but I was surprised to find the MC Judas. This is a great take on the topic.

You've done a nice job starting to show the reader rather than tell. You could have gone a bit more with this by having the MC say something like I still get chills when my mind drifts back, then you could have put the flashbacks in italics. If you're not sure how to do this go to the message boards and look under FAQ. It won't show at first but if you hit preview then you will see how your piece will look.

I really how you made feel like I was in the MC's mind. You have a natural gift for this genre Nicely done!
Michael Throne06/09/11
Well written! I liked the unusual take on Judas, his expectations, his inner thoughts. I would have enjoyed this even more as a longer piece; there’s only so much you can do with 750 words, but you used them well!
Bryan Rudolph06/09/11
All right, Kristine, when you make the reader – me, at least – not only sympathize with the MC, but begin to identify with him . . . well . . . what can I say, but that it doesn’t get much better than that, for an author. Your writing talent is something for us all – me, at least – to seek out.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/09/11
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level one!