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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Outgoing (05/05/11)

TITLE: The Journal of Margaret McDonald
By Caitlin Dea
05/09/11


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I inhaled the smell of musty books and sharpened pencils. As I packed my belongings into a cardboard box, my mind drifted over the forty years of trial, adventure, and success that I had experienced in this very room. Yes, I have taught hundreds of 5th graders over the years. So many, in fact, that I tend to forget some of them – that is, until I head over to my bookshelf. There on the bookshelf, lie forty yearbooks which hold the faces of every student that I ever taught. I decided to postpone the rest of my packing for a few minutes as grabbed my coffee and picked up a year-book off the shelf.

The yearbook I chose was the from my first year of teaching. I quickly turned to the page entitled “Miss Andersen's 5th Grade Class.” One face in particular stood out from the rest. It was the face of a girl by the name of Margaret McDonald. Yes, that little girl may have been the gem of my whole career. In fact, let me take you back to that very moment which seemed to make all my teaching worth while...

40 years ago...

There I am sitting at the same desk you just saw me cleaning off. As you can see, I was a lot younger and had a lot more energy. It was about 12:20 PM and the children were out at recess with another teacher, and I had the room all to myself. I was intently grading a report when little Margaret McDonald came bustling in.

“Miss Andersen, can we have a talk?” said the little red-head.

Her cheeks were all flushed and she had a hint of tears in her voice.

“Of course, we can, Margaret. What do you have on your mind?”

“Well, my parents are going through a divorce and I feel just awful about it all. I tried to tell to my parents about how I feel, but they just keep blaming each other.”

She reminded me of a puppy dog with a thorn in his paw just wailing for someone to pull it out.

“Margaret, I am so flattered that you would come to me seeking advice, but really whatever I have to say is no good. I want you to understand that...”

Immediately I was cut off by the little red head.

“What do you mean what you have to say is 'no good?' You're the teacher!”

“Actually, Margaret, what I meant to say was that I don't have all the answers, but God does. He is the Person you have to share your heart with. The Bible has the answers if you will only look for them.”

I began shuffling through my desk and found an unused composition notebook and a Bible. Handing them to Margaret I began, “Margaret, I want you to keep a journal in which you explain your doubts, fears, dreams. Once you have written, I want you to search the Bible to find the answers to your questions.”

Margaret took the Bible and notebook and said, “So my thoughts will go all the way out to God and He will hear me?”

“They sure will,” I said with an encouraging smile.


Present day...

Now that you have seen that moment, I can tell you the rest of the story. Margaret began to write in her journal and read the Bible every day. One day, her parents came across that journal and realized how their actions had affected their poor daughter. After beginning to read the Bible together, whole family eventually came to the knowledge of the Lord, and the couple called off the divorce.

Well, that was forty years ago. Back to cleaning off my desk and officially retiring from teaching. I had just put on my coat when I heard a gentle knock at my door.

“Miss Andersen, are you still here?” asked a fellow teacher in her early fifties.

“Oh hello, Margaret. Come in, I was just thinking about you” I said endearingly.

“Miss Andersen, I just wanted to say how much of a difference you have made in my life. You pointed me to the Lord and set a great example of a teacher and a friend. I hope that I can be even half the teacher that you were.”

“Thank you, Margaret,” I said, “ You're doing fine. Just remember the Lord.”


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This article has been read 251 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dee Yoder 05/12/11
Love your take on the topic and the memories of a well-loved teacher. The setting came to life.

A little bit of advice (and this is from one who uses it TOO much, also!): the word "just" is used quite a bit--hunt it out with your search button and you'll be surprised how often it can sneak into your entry! Replace it and save your word count for more luscious words. (;

Your writing is descriptive and pleasant to read. I enjoyed this story!
Irene Patterson 05/12/11
Very touching. Brought tears to my eyes. A life well lived, that satisfies.

I agree with the comment on the word "just". (Just try not to use it!:)
Catrina Bradley 05/15/11
Great story - beautifully written and expressed.
Bonnie Bowden05/15/11
Well told story. I loved this teacher and her student. Sometimes teachers never realize how much impact they have on their students.
Sharon Eastman05/17/11
I really enjoyed this story. It held my interest throughout. The characterizations were good, and I liked the format.
Jim McWhinnie 05/17/11
Vivid story line with a number of well-chosen images.

Only needs a sharp pencil to tighten the sentences as mentioned above.

Helen Curtis05/17/11
What a lovely writing style you have :-) I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, especially as the ending is so pleasant! Well done :-)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/17/11
This is a sweet story. I enjoyed the characters and dialog. You presented a fresh and subtle take on the topic.

You could tighten some of your sentences up by leaving out words that don't add to the story. For example The family vs. The whole family and cheeks were flushed vs. cheeks were all flushed. Also try to use active verbs; when introducing Margaret you said, "It was the face of a girl by the name of Margaret McDonald." A small change like: "The face of Margaret jutted off the page." is active and succinct.

You did a great job of pulling the reader in right away. After I read it, I reminisced about my favorite teacher. You also had a subtle message about how times have changed. Today if a public school teacher gave a student a Bible there would be an uproar. I enjoyed the journey back to simpler times.

It was wonderful how one teacher can inspire a student to teach. You did an outstanding job on this sweet story.
Edmond Ng 05/18/11
A pleasant read showing how redirecting someone from a problem to God's Word can have lasting effects that change lives. I like the ‘voice’ of how the story is presented in a very readable approach.
Lillian Rhoades 05/18/11
Quite nostalgic for me. Your story brought back a lot of memories. Keep writing and reading. "Tight" writiing comes from more writing and reading. Your talent is obvious.
Kathleen Langridge05/19/11
Your story had a lovely flow to it and an encouragement to all who teach or have influence over young people. Your gift is obvious and as you write your craft will develop even further.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/20/11
Congratulations on placing 7th in your level!


   
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