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The day is March 18, 2010 – the day I lost my job. I felt as though I was moving in slow motion, so slow that I could rise above myself and watch this moment in time as if it stood still. All I could think about was, what am I going to do now? All of a sudden I feel out of rhythm. Everything in my life is out of step. It’s like I’m walking in place but going nowhere. Now what? Now what is my purpose supposed to be?
This moment in time should not define me, but if I’m honest with myself it does – at least for now. It certainly is not an outstanding moment for me. Here I stand broken and shattered asking God to heal my soul. I cry out to God in frustration, anger and pain and ask Him a million times why and why now. He stays present with me through my temper tantrums, mood swings, and silence. It certainly is not an outstanding moment for me.
I begin the process of self-discovery exploring my insecurities, fears, and resistance. I fight with God for control thinking I can fix this, but if I’m honest with myself – I can’t do it alone. I must surrender to Him and have the courage to face the truth. I must set aside my despair so that I can experience God’s profound presence to awaken my soul to the fullness of God’s love. It’s here in this moment, God provides me with the light of His truth – now that, is an outstanding moment!
God is freeing me from the bondages I’m holding on to and all that is suffocating me. He is breathing new life in me with the gift of the cross. He is sweeping away all the darkness that clouds my soul, and is softening my heart to find forgiveness. My soul is finding a place to rest, to be at home, and to belong. I am finding the rhythm of my soul again, and I can see the horizon and the knowing of what God’s purpose is for me – now that, is an outstanding moment!
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