The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 440 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/14/11
I really like this work - your writing style really pulls the reader in. Good descriptive word choices - plus I really relate to the subject! Thanks for sharing your work!
you definitely capture the alarm clock syndrome! I like the well paced movement in your story, from the overwhelming urge to hide through the awakening of God's grace and on into a more hopeful future.
04/15/11
I'm not sure if you covered the topic, but you certainly covered the contemporary issue of unemployment. I noticed a few sentence structure adjustments needed, particularly in seventh paragraph. God does use the oddest times to teach us what we need to know. Thanks for that reminder.
I like the pacing of your piece. You made good points in an interesting way.
04/16/11
Well done. I love this line "The alarm cleared its electronic throat at me again" Creative! I did get the outbreak theme in your story.
04/17/11
Attractively written faith-building story that will powerfully construct hope in hearts! Thank you!
04/18/11
I liked your personal descriptive work. Be careful of the preponderance of gerunds and past participle phrasing. The sting of "ing" rings in the ears and covers the work of past tense. Good job, I really liked this piece.
This read as written by one who has experienced this situation. It all "rang" true. I liked the flow of the piece as it built upon itself to find the lay off was but a temporary set back. The turning point, I think, was when you wrote: "A whole pile of coincidences that helped to make today merely hard, rather than crushing." And then to conclude with watching God unfolding in a new day, bringing new hope. Great job!
The title caught my eye and then my heart felt for the anguish of the MC You did a good job showing her frustration by slapping the snooze button. More scenes like that will turn this good story into a great one. So many people will really be able to relate toyour MC on many different levels. Good writing made A good story. :)

Congratulations for placing 14th in level one!
04/27/11
Cris, who of us cannot relate to your memory-evoking alarm clock story...

"I sighed, buried up to my nose in flannel sheets. It was cozy in bed. All of the hard questions were waiting for me out there, outside of my warm blanket-cocoon; I didn't want to leave it and face them."

I loved your descriptive writing. Thank you!