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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Outbreak (04/07/11)

TITLE: Thou Shall Not Murder
By Shawn McNamara


Like bone dry grass in a lengthy drought, it took but one heated moment to ignite a murderous flame. He idly stands by and watches in shock as the church body quickly goes up in flames. You canít see the forest through the trees, but you can surely see the fire-starter amidst the ashes.

No matter the motive; a jealous moment, a bad day, a personal dislike Ö imperfection rears its unsightly head. Mere words, simple little words; it was only one small sentence. You can see the outbreak before the last word ever rolls off of his untamed tongue.

A domino effect of hellacious proportion overtakes the room like a swarm of buzzing bees; all with a stinger, blindly killing. How quickly does guilt strike the heart as an innocent victim stands ravaged and alone, on display for all to see? An odd couple locks eyes from across the room; a victim and a culprit for one moment share a mirrored expression.

Still sitting, he canít move. Thereís a lump in his throat. He canít swallow. Heís not even sure that heís breathing. In a flash, an icy sweat plagues his face; conviction runs wild within while scripture raptures his mind like a storm.

Romans 1:29 - They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,

His heart hardened, blackened; even if for only a moment, thatís all it took for the adversary to gain the upper hand. Murder was the case that he was given. His hands were without stain, as it was the heart that killed.

Matthew 15:19 - For out of the heart come evil thoughtsómurder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

There was no blood spilled that day. No medics were needed. No scar to be seen. No arrest was made. However, a minuscule murderous tongue takes down an entire body and an emotional wound is shared by all.

Like a falling from the wall, is the body capable of coming back together again? A faith stands tested. Only time will tell.

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This article has been read 340 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Cris Cramer04/14/11
You have quite a flair for dramatic language! Interesting concept.
diana kay04/20/11
some very dramatic writing here. i liked the descriptions but for some reason it seemed like a series of sentences rather than flowing together. I am not an expert at all and so cannot say why it felt like that. maybe some linking words are needed.
do keep writing as i think there is much potential
Anita van der Elst04/20/11
Lots of great descriptions! Good command of language. Youíve brought up a concept that is important to teach and understand. I think a personalized story would have more impact on the reader. More showing, rather than telling.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/20/11
You used vivid descriptions that helped me see the hate that caused the church to burn, But if they couldn't kill Jesus, burning a church won't destroy him either. Maybe showing how it affected you might help you connect with more readers. You have a lotof talent and your passion for God is clear. Keep writing.
Nancy Bucca04/20/11
Excellently written. I could picture it all. Good job.