The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/17/11
I like this a lot!

The third paragraph is a bit jarring... The main character seems MUCH older in this paragraph than the others. I had difficulty figuring out how old the main character was supposed to be because of this.

Overall, a very good entry! You captured the girl's feelings well.

03/19/11
For comments left unsaid, let me sum it up-Fantastic job!!! I enjoyed how you talked of my own family members and the frustrations of their rejecting warning after warning, truth after truth. All the elements of religion, one's own will, history, and nature's powerful realities used as analogies, are all very effective in your grim but hopeful tale.