The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/18/11
As a teacher, you never know which student or students will rise to the top. When we get to heaven, I bet we'll be surprised by whose there and whose not.
Catchy title...it drew me to read your entry among so many choices. The story fit the title well, and moved along to keep my attention.
03/19/11
I could empathize with the hopelessness of believing noone is paying attention, with our hearts on the line for others in this cold cruel world. This piece so encouraged me to continue embracing the youth, hoping to impact them as well. Well put.
This is positively beautiful, it was a great idea to make it a school assignment. The voice of the delightful James was perfect.

My little bit of red ink would be to make sure you have the cause and effect in the right order. For example the part this sentence was in: After the funeral, a lady came up to my mom and asked her if grandma(Grandma is used as a name and should be capitalized:) had ever talked about Tommy Harper. had me scratching my head a bit. If you had just added before Tommy Harper the words, my son,I would have understood immediately that she was his mother. It may seem like a little thing but for me it would have really helped as I had to read the paragraph a few times to understand it.

But that is just a little thing. The best part was your messages. We never know how we may impact the lives of others and how it can keep trickling down as well as how wonderful teachers are. You did an outstanding job with this one.
03/20/11
I took it that the lady speaking was Tommy's daughter. Check the last sentence in the paragraph.
03/22/11
hey i really love this story. the title is clever and a perfect one for the story. I like the whole idea and the way you crafted this story.
I was so caught up in it and that is the mark of a good writer. captivating!
03/24/11
yes pipped to the post into second but that is GOOD! keep writing i look forward to more!
03/25/11
God Bless you for the work you do! I know at my children's schools their teachers are so over used and under appreciated! I enjoyed your piece very much! Very heart warming and touching! Just goes to prove that you never know when you are touching some ones life!
03/30/11
Congratulations on your well deserved 2nd place win. It was very well written.