The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/17/11
You chose a story that really needs to be addressed. Many children do run away and are not found.

I had a couple of questions after finishing the story.

Is the girlfriend mentioned in the story now your wife?

Is the topic eternity addressed through waiting for what seemed to be an eternity for the MCs son to be found?
03/17/11
I agree with the first commenter: this is an important topic. I'm sure if not for word constraints we would have some of those questions answered, but in spite of that, a very well-told piece. I felt those hours as well, when waiting seems like eternity.
It continues to be a challenging experience in my life, however one where I see God strongly at work in many different ways and lives.

The story told poured out of me as it was very close to being in 'real-time'.

The eternity may be seen differently depending on the reader. It may be the year past since my son ran from home, it may be the time spent reflecting/dreaming, or the waiting for the return of his wife, who was the girlfriend at the time he ran.

There has been closure and a journey ensues ... all in God's very capable hands.
03/18/11
great story... If you gave your characters names it would add to the "picture" of them.
03/19/11
What strikes me the most was how the father so desperately expressed the son's importance to him and his new relationship. Also his own frustrations juggling the three lives together and keeping peace. And the brutal reality that by one life missing, only God can make the two lives, left, a stronger union, believing for the son's return.
Your ending caught me by surprise. I could feel the panic,fear, and conflict build as the story moved on.

There were quite a few questions that the word count didn't allow you to answer.

It seemed a tad off topic unless having a child missing for a year would feel like an eternity.

You addressed some important problems between children and parents. Your story definitely showed how important it is to let your child have a voice and to really listen. Nice job.
A very moving story: provocative and full of emotion without being manipulative. I love the dramatic first person, although it occasionally slips into 3rd. I would like to see you work with this story some more, without the constraint of word count. Excellent piece.