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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Minute(s) (as in time) (03/03/11)

TITLE: A Nugget For The Now
By Shannon Parker


Iím sure we all woke up this morning and thanked God for our very first breath, right? To be honest I didnít. I woke up from a night of sickness and the only thing I dwelled upon all day was how bad I felt. I had the intention of waking and feeling great and just happy to be alive. Truth is, I am happy to be alive, but not so happy in general. I know that I am not the only one going through something. My body aches a lot and clinically, I guess I could just be depressed and this is the way my body has responded to the depression. As a child of God I just canít settle with this. Something within me just wonít let me rest in that. I know that the Holy Spirit lives within me and He gives me power. I am striving for that power day after day and wonít stop until I wake up without all of this ďstuffĒ that continues to surround me!

You see, I lost my mother a little over a year ago now. She truly meant a lot to me. I didnít always let her know that. In fact I have wrestled with the guilt of knowing that I did love her and I did forgive her for the past mistakes and the past failures but just never expressed it. You see, I thought I had time. Guess what? I didnít. She moved in with us in 2008 and we had her until 2009. She tried to commit suicide because she couldnít take all of the stress of this life. God didnít let her go then! He had a plan. She had had aortic valve replacement on December 7, 2007 and was battling with that and life in general. She thought taking her life was the way to go, but God kept her here. She moved in with my family and me. It was a good thing. I tried to help her by taking her to a therapist and finding her good doctors. I even felt as though I was getting to play mom instead of daughter. That left me quite frustrated at times, because I wanted her to be my mom. The one I missed out on for a long time in my life. She did, however, grow a lot in the Lord. We were almost always at church and she even took notes. She would get onto me when I was arguing with my hubby, even to the point where my hubby thought he was right! (Laughter!) Regardless, she was being my mom, I just didn't see her that way all the time.

Now, none of that matters. The past canít be resolved because of a conversation I wish we would have had. Donít take me wrong, we did talk a lot of the past through, but there was so much left unsaid. It doesnít matter though. I am coming to terms with what the Word of God says when the Lord spoke through Paul and said that we shouldnít look at the past, but at the future. If I live in the past, I canít even be healed in the now. God is healing me and helping me through all of this, but do you want to know what the greatest nugget I have learned in all of this is? Itís to love those we have and live in the forgiveness offered by God for us in the now! Living in the past led me into a lot of guilt when she passed, but if I would have just lived in the now the many, many memories of love that couldíve been created would far outweigh the past. Cherish the ones you have while you have them. You donít know if itís the last second, minute, day or year!

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Member Comments
Member Date
Bonnie Bowden 03/10/11
I am happy for all the time you did get to spend with your mom. It sounds like depression might run in your family, like it does in mine.

Have you tried to talk to a therapist or pastor yourself? It might be a good idea to resolve some of the conflict you feel. I am glad you are trying to live in the present. I could see the love and compassion you felt for your mom throughout your piece.

God bless you.
diana kay03/11/11
so well written.this is full of poignant and real gems. If it is a true story i hope that writing is a therapeutic and cathartic experience for you. Keep writing as it is often the way to find expression of those mixed and conflicting issues.
Shannon Parker03/14/11
It is definitel true! I wrote from what I feel and whats real. I have seen a therapist as well as been encouraged by fellow pastors and friends! I love to write and the best way for me to express myself is to do so!
Verna Mull 03/16/11
God bless you for writing this. Accepting the facts is a great way to heal, and I am sure that your Mom would have some regrets if she were the one left. It seems that we all have regrets about loved ones that are gone, and we just have to recognize that we are human and prone to failure, but Christ literally raises us up. He loves us even when we fail. Someday we will have eternity to express all of our regrets, and be cheered on by the fact that they loved us so much that a lot of our regrets will have been totally unnoticed by them. Great job of writing this.