The Official Writing Challenge
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03/03/11
Wonderful, thought provoking read. Everything's better with prayer and time in the Word, isn't it. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
03/03/11
Children are a precious gift from God, but they do take lots of time and patience.

I really thought your story showed what a typical day is like for a mom. Thank you for sharing.
03/04/11
This was a good story. You clearly have the ability to paint the picture you're imagining (maybe this one isn't so imagined, ha :) ) and that's an important skill as a writer.

A few drops of red for you-- any time you can replace generals with specifics, do so- and there's no need to lead up to it w/ other words- because that pulls the reader out of the story-- "taking in the scene, Karen saw Kevin, the older sibling, playing..." Instead it'd read better like: Kevin played with his blocks while his baby sister sat in her playpen.

The reader assumes Karen is watching because we're in her head to start. So the way it's rewritten paints the same picture with nearly the same words without pulling the reader out.

I hope that makes sense. There are a few places you did that in the story. Classic show v. tell that all writers struggle with.

It is a good story, and I think after some tweaking, it'd be market-ready :)

Keep up the good work, and keep writing!
03/04/11
I second the red ink already given. Great job with your descriptions. Good story for this prompt.
03/04/11
You had the topic just right and delivered a wonderful message--one all young mothers (or those who have been)smile... could understand.
03/04/11
great.i like the title because i thought it was going to be a "cancer" story and it turned out to be different.I could engage with Karen and found it very touchingly told with an important message.
03/05/11
The best days of my life were raising my children - messy house and all. Sad to say, our society glorifies the working moms and neglects the hard working moms at home.
03/05/11
I loved this story, but I sort of wondered how the kitchen got so clean in the morning? But, I certainly agree that the children are the most important task that either parent has. Our world would change if we had more devoted Moms and Dads.
03/05/11
A good story with a great message. As the others said, keep working on "show vs tell" and your writing will take off.
03/10/11
This is an interesting tale of motherhood I thought 9 months was a little young to intentionally try to get big brother in trouble but the message was dear and it's a truck many parents fall for. I loved how her talk with God helped reconcile herself-doubts and worthiness. Great job!