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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Century or Centuries (02/17/11)

TITLE: Hiding in the Shadows
By Tiara Huffman
02/24/11


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I sat somber as Lilly-Ann brought over a cake with one hundred candles adoring it. I’m now a century old. A century. No one lives to be a hundred anymore; it wasn’t supposed to be like this I was supposed to have past on already.

“Okay Grandma Mae blow out the candles.”

I guess I should be happy I got to see more of my kids', grandkids’ and great grandkids’ lives then most people ever get to. I also have most of my sanity and I ain’t on no life support—yet. But dang-it I’m ready to leave this place I don’t want to see no more candles glowing bright just showing how old I am. But then again I guess I shouldn’t complain, there was a time I wasn’t even goin’ see my twenty-fourth birthday.

I had just finished closing up Harry’s diner. It was a dark and rainy night, but it didn’t bother me none. I liked walking in the rain; there was just something about the smell of rain. I rounded the corner were the street lights cut off and a chill ran down my spine. Something about the way the wind picked up then and swept my long locks into my eyes frightened me.

I was being watched. I could just feel it. I knew it in my bones. I clutched my trench-coat tighter and peered over my shoulder. Dark shadows were casted every which way but there was no one there. I kept walking still, my heart and mind raced as I became sure that I was being followed, though no matter how many times I looked back no one was there. Frantic now I raced to my apartment at the end of the street. Bounding up the stairs I fumbled for my keys. Something bad was about to happen. I could feel it in my bones.

I wasn’t crazy, someone was following me, though I hadn’t seen them—I wasn’t crazy.
I remember thinking as I fumbled over my keys. Why oh why do I have so many keys I remember thinking as I tried to find it with my shaking hands.

“Here let me help you.” A raspy voice called out behind me. I screamed with fear knowing that is was the man that was following me, hiding in the shadows.

I turned around to face him.

“No. no I’m fine please just go on your way.” I found the key with my eyes locked on him. I had the key, now I just needed to turn back around and open the door, where I could safely slip inside. But I couldn’t turn around. He was still standing there with those killer eyes of his. He smiled sinister and a glint of lust colored his eyes.
“Now, now there I’m not going to hurt you, why don’t you let me help you inside, you look frighten. I’ll get you in safely and help dry you off.” He said with a chuckle.

I could feel the acid burning in my stomach. He wasn’t going to give up easy, and I suddenly had felt like I had become his prey. I had to get inside. NOW! Though I knew I shouldn’t turn my back, I did.

He flung himself at me and pushing me inside. I screamed in terror of what might happen next. He tried to pull a cloth over my mouth as he closed the door. I struggled away from him just before the cloth was pulled over my mouth. My heart pounded and every inch of my body was on fire and shaking with terror. I raced to the kitchen still screaming. I grabbed a knife and spun around facing him. He jumped back for the knife that I was clutching in my hand for dear life.

“One step. One step forward and that’s all it takes. One step forward and this knife will be piercing your lungs.” I said in the most serious and steady of a voice I could muster.
“Now, now” he said stepping forward and just as promise I plunged it into his side and ran. Racing to the door I slammed it close and turned the keys that were still hanging from the doorknob.

I rushed to my neighbor's and called the police and he was taken away.


“Grandma Mae, make a wish.” Lilly called out again pulling me from my reverie. Well I guess being a century old isn’t so bad after all.


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This article has been read 145 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jennifer Hill02/24/11
Great description of the stalking and standing up for one's self. The ending seemed a little short- maybe adding something more positive or more information about her 100 years.
Bonnie Bowden02/24/11
I was thinking about writing a story about a 100th birthday party, but I changed my mind. However, your story was very unpredicted and dramatic.

The character's experience seemed very true to a victim's retelling. I think the ending needed a little more definition, but I really enjoyed reading this piece.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/27/11
This is a thrilling story, you grabbed me by surprise and took me on a wonderful ride.

Just a little red ink, I noticed you used past instead of passedand were instead of where. There are times when you use the same word or phrase several times close together.

Fix these little things and your delightful characters and charming dialog will make this great story a spectacular one. You have a great deal of talent!
diana kay03/01/11
wow! great story should be a winner!


   
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