The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/24/11
I had such fun reading this story. The characters were very real and memorable.
02/24/11

Sweet story.

Certainly got my attention at the beginning.

I wonder if the "their" in one of the dialogue was a typo or was that intentional?
02/25/11
great story, reminds me a little of Anne of Green Gables :-)
the century theme was a little tenuous but a great read. endearing characters
Good job! I thought the ending was especially well done. I was afraid you might get too emotional for my tastes, but you maintained just enough distance at the end. The butterflies were a nice touch.
02/26/11
Very sweet story. I enjoyed these characters. Keep writing--I look forward to reading more of your stories!
This is a sweet, charming story. You did a good job of capturing that first crush.

I did notice your used the wrong their, there, they're a few times. When you were talking about her brads it should have been they're and when you mentionedBill and Tom saying goodbyes it should have been their. An easy way to remember is they're is the contraction for they are. Their is a possessive form I remember it because an heir is someone who is given something. Lastly there has here in it so it's for a place or direction you can usually sub here and it makes sense.

Other than that you did a great job with the dialog. You captured that flirty talk that teens do. You painted a picture for me with your descriptions Nice job.
03/02/11
Has a nice westerny feel to it. I enjoyed the read--especially the horse as I love riding. It made me want to read through this whole piece and see where the story was going.

A bit of red ink-I noticed a few uses of their, they're and there that were a bit mixed up, but I'm sure if you proofread next time, it's no problem to catch them. and consistency for Punk'n's name. It's spelled Punk'n in the title and a few places here and then Bill mentions it as Punkin. Just a note.

Anyway, I liked the character of Jenny and especially the detail of her braids--I always hated the name "pigtails" too.