Marrah’s salty tears splashed onto the medical report that lay open before her. “The patient is sterile due to complications from a suction curettage procedure performed six years previously,” she read.
Just then, Dr. Wexelman walked over and squeezed her hand. “I am so sorry. You and John would have made such wonderful parents.”
Marrah’s thoughts spun through her mind like a turnstile door going round and round as it bids entrance into a high rise building. How could she even ask John’s forgiveness for this? Her past seemed to block any path for a meaningful life.
The 1973 Row vs. Wade decision which was meant to usher in an era of choice, hope, and freedom, instead, left her feeling bonded, disillusioned, and enslaved. This ruling had afforded her the same rights as a harsh, brutal dictatorship would have.
Numbness descended on her mind and body as she got up to leave. Dr. Wexelman saw her struggle to stand and slipped her the name of a trusted therapist as she walked out the door.
Marrah was just 17-years-old when she had fallen madly in love with her next-door neighbor, Jeff. He had promised her that taking this last step of intimacy would prove to be the cement that held their relationship together forever. She also remembered him uttering those fatal last words, “Besides nobody ever gets pregnant the first time.” At that point in her life, she was so naïve and in love that she believed him.
She drove home in a complete fog, remembering nothing of the sights and sounds she had passed on her way home. Marrah walked in through the side door in the garage, and threw her keys on the dining table. After she had sunk down into her favorite leather recliner, the repressed memories came floating back to the surface.
Two months after her periods had stopped, Jeff drove her to a medical clinic 25 miles away to have a pregnancy test. He didn’t want anyone in their small town getting suspicious about her reason for seeing a doctor. The test turned out positive, and Jeff convinced her that the only solution was to have an abortion. After all he told her, the church wouldn’t exactly welcome you back with open arms. Unfortunately, she knew this was probably the truth. Many of her Christian friends and their parents had completely shunned another unwed mother named Trish, when she came to church one Sunday.
Jeff took her back three days later to have the scheduled abortion. She checked in at the main desk before being escorted down a narrow hallway and into a small room at the end. A nurse named Janet gave her a flimsy gown, and told her to lay down on the silver gurney after she was done changing.
The nurse reassured her that she was making the right decision. “At this stage in the pregnancy,” she said, “The fetus is just a tiny mass of cells and tissue.” The nurse further informed her that the procedure would only last a short time and be slightly uncomfortable.
Next, Dr. Carlson came into the room and ordered her to put her feet into the cold stirrups on either side of the bed. She was only given a very mild anesthetic before the procedure, but she was still aware of everything going on around her. The suction machine whirled into action, causing her to scream out in pain. It felt like her insides were being ripped out. Marrah cried out for the doctor to stop, but it was too late. She suddenly knew that she had killed her baby.
The next thing she knew, John’s hands were holding her in a warm embrace.
“Honey, it’s okay,” he soothed.
“No its not, and it never will be again,” she screamed. “I killed my first baby! I had an abortion and committed the unpardonable sin.”
“Marrah, what you did was wrong, but not unpardonable.” “I still love you and I always will.”
“I don’t deserve your love,” Marrah wept. “No one, not even God could ever forgive me for what I have done.”
“Yes, he can and already has,” John exclaimed. “As far as the east is from the west, [so] far hath he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12 KJV).
Then John got down on his knees and did the only thing he could do, wept right along side her.
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