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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: 24 Hours (01/27/11)

TITLE: Prison
By
02/02/11


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I致e just spent the last 24 hours in prison, and I知 desperate to get out. This is terrifying.

I知 locked in, isolated. No friends, no family, I知 separated from the rest of the world. I知 claustrophobic. Need fresh air. I need something to drink. Something to eat. Just a little something sweet. It would make things better. Easier to take. Just a little something to make me feel better.

I致e been here before. And I know it gets worse the longer I知 here frightening and exhausting. How long 奏il I get out? What will it take this time?

Freedom is precious. I know because I致e experienced it. I know what it痴 like to be out from under oppression. But now I知 back behind bars. My prison bars not bars of iron, but of addiction.

Sugar addiction. Stronger at times than bars of iron. These hold me indefinitely, with no scheduled release, no one to turn to, no one even to notice I知 incarcerated. No one to care.

This prison of mine is called Relapse.

Getting abstinent in the first place was miraculous release from my life-long oppression of compulsive eating. The thrill of liberation was unspeakable. But in my freedom, I remain forever on parole. One slip-up, and I知 back in the slammer. For a day, a week, for longer, I知 locked up, unable to function normally, obsessed with where my next fix is coming from.

This isn稚 where God wants me. I知 driven here, compelled. I do what I would not do, just like Paul. I self-soothe because I don稚 believe - not really - that He can help me. I have to manage this. And in the process, I manage nothing but to land back in this jail cell.

Is my God bigger than my problem? Can He handle this? I know in my head that He can, but I知 running on fear and am afraid to let go of my familiar stronghold. I struggle in vain. Retching, wrenching, tearing my hair. Agony.

Only to collapse in emotional exhaustion, knowing that I can稚 work my way out of this, I can稚 force it. I have to let go and let Him lead me out of my prison, my self-torture masquerading as self-soothing. He痴 bigger than my problem, and bigger than all the little ones that lead me into it.

So I can choose for this next 24 hours to believe that God is bigger than my addiction, that He can free this captive. And if not for the next 24 hours, than for just the next hour, or even just this moment. He is the path to freedom. He is freedom. His gift to me is freedom. I can have it for nothing more than trusting Him.

I choose to trust. I知 free.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Mary Toll02/04/11
Addiction to sugar, I know what that's like. I like the progressiveness of your 'prison' experience. I definately like the end.
Colin Swann02/07/11
What an intense piece. We can all relate to this, I'm sure, what with those areas that we struggle in and are defeated in. We know deep down that God is our only hope. Thanks for this realistic struggle of a Christian in defeat.
diana kay02/07/11
good one and applicible to many different types of addictions and phobias.
you have captured the emotional rollercoaster well
Tracy Nunes 02/07/11
I liked this a lot. You touched on a subject we all can relate to and unfortunately this addiction is one that is often magnified in Christian circles via the potluck. You did a good job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/07/11
This is a good analogy of howmany different types of addiction's can really control us. Nice job.
Bonnie Bowden02/08/11
I too have an addiction to sugar. It really does create a self-imposed prison.

I am glad that God is there to listen to me at all times, so I'm never truly alone. Although my feelings may tell me otherwise.

Thank you for sharing your
struggles. I will be praying that God will give you a renewed sense of peace and direction.
Sharon Eastman02/10/11
Thank you for presenting this subject. I, too, am a sugar addict, and it's miserable. You expressed the agony I feel many times. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
diana kay02/12/11
congratulations on your placing with this piece> I notice that you have also ranked high overall. Keep up the standard and you will soon be into the next level :-)