The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/03/11
This story kept me on pins and needles, waiting to find out what happened to the two children. I was relieved they were safely retrieved at the end. Smile. I did have to wonder how the Dad felt at the end, since his efforts at watching them obviously fell short of his wife's expectations.
It's amazing how quickly a nice day can turn into a nightmare. I really enjoyed your characters, especially the kids.

Remember to start a new paragraph for each time there's a new speaker, even if it's just one or two words.

Also write out numbers under ten (and if they start a sentence.)

Overall, you did a great job. The dialog felt real and made the characters enduring. Your subtle message is a really good one, too.
02/04/11
It is so scary when children get lost. I'm glad God's prescence is everywhere.

Well written story that fits nicely with the theme.
02/05/11
a dramatic story touchingly told.i loved the mixture of child likeness and the danger. I am glad you gave it a happy ending.