It was a year, not so long ago. A dream I had hoped, a nightmare at best, but at the time my heart hurt more than burning flesh itself.
My marriage was in shambles. My husband distant, coming home late, making secret calls, but worst of all acting as if he were a completely different man.
My strong sense of being a fighter took over, I would fight to the death if I believed in something enough. I began a war against the enemy of our home. Fight I did, every day trying to get my husband to see what he was doing to me. It didn't take long to realize who the enemy was or who the enemies were.
Discouragement took over and planted seeds that had sprouted roots in our lives, and those roots grew deeper than I could have ever fathomed. I prayed fervently for answers, questioning my marraige, begging for change in my husbands behavior. I asked my loving Savior to save my husband, to show him truth and love. Somehow my husband just continued in the opposite direction.
I was so distruaght I decided to take a drive to the beach to seek Gods purpose and direction in what appeared to soon be a divorce.
"Please Jesus, help me to see what you want for me to do in all of this."
Sitting on the sand in front of the ocean I opened my Bible and out fell a wrinkled peice of paper. I picked it up and gently opened the folds. It was my wedding vows etched into the papers aged lines from years prior. I began to read them and as I got to the last few sentences they read; I promise before our friends , our family and God to forgive when hurt, to love, honor and serve you as God commands. I promise to go to God for the answers in everything. I will never give up and will be one with you until death parts us.
I remembered that day as if it were that moment. I could see the man I married and how he loved me and I loved him. For the first time in all the years we had been together I could see the vulnerability in his eyes. He was broken and I had played a huge part in that brokenness.
What was I to do now? How could things get better when they'd gone so wrong?
I layed my head back in the sand and listened to the sound of the majestic ocean speaking to Its Creator with great power that seemed to reach into my soul soothing the rage and sorrow I felt within. I drew in deep breaths of ocean scented air and stood in awe of our beautiful home that God had created for us. Everything had its own scent, its own purpose and reason for living.
What was mine?
Through the roaring of the waves the joy of the seagulls laughter seemed to stand out most of all. I suddenly felt joy in that instant, the joy I once knew in my marriage. I heard something, it was still, small, a voice of gentle authority spoke peacefully to me in my ear. I knew it was my Savior.
He began by saying, "My precious daughter I am here with you. I have so much for you but first you must learn to love. Not with the worlds love but My love. The kind of love that covers a multitude of sins. Take all that fight and all that passion you have for truth and allow My love to be your weapon. I created you for your husband and he for you."
He finished by reassuring me to, " Hold fast to your vows, believe with all your heart. Never lose hope no matter what. Love is kind, it forgives, it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. Love is patient to see things through until the results are evident. Love never loses, it always wins and it endures every circumstance."
With that, I knew the road ahead would be hard. I knew I needed my Saviors strength and that no matter what I saw, heard or encountered I was to love my husband unconditionally. Through every circumstance give love its way and I would see him saved, free from the enemies toils and we would never be divorced.
Little did I know what I would endure in the several years to come.
Thankyou Jesus for loving me and showing your love through my pain. That pain drew me closer to you and allowed me to see the changes needed in me. Because of you I never let my pain exceed your purpose for my life.
Now, years of discouragment no longer has its way!
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