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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Season(s) of a year or life (01/13/11)

TITLE: When I See
By Kara Dunham


Rachel was standing in a forest. Her hair, a rich auburn, glistened with the catches of sunlight sparkling through the multi-colored leaves. A slight breeze danced through the leaves as they clapped with delight. The glee from the tree tops was whisked away by the wind; never reaching the ground. Below, the forest was silent and still, the sounds swallowed in the shadows. The tingle of goosebumps spread up her arms, sending shivers down her spine.

Her arms offered little protection from the wind ripping through her clothes. Dark clouds rolled in, blocking the glittery beams from the sun. As the leaves swayed and quivered, letters were etched in the gaps forming into words.

Hatred. Anger. Resentment.

Memories from her life formed vividly in her mind. Every moment she had ever lived these words came as a burning rage. Her face turned red as flames, her cheeks ignited in fury. Moments she had forgotten came to life once more.

The anger blazed inside her uncontrollably.Her breathing was quick and deep, her hands balled into fists, nails digging into her palms. She no longer was Rachel, but had become rage itself.

Just as quickly as they came the visions faded and the wind died down. Colors blurred as the forest melted away. New trees appeared, barren and silent. A world cast in greys and whites replaced the one of browns and oranges.

The heat of her temper was replaced with icy cold. She looked down to see her hair no longer auburn but silvery white. Snow and ice glazed everything in sight, bringing peace and slumber. The emptiness of the forest reflected the emptiness she felt inside.

The quiet gave her worse chills than the cold. As she listened, a soft trickle reached her ears. At first it sounded like soft chimes from a distance, but she quickly realized the tinkling was water buried in a prison of ice. At her feet was a stream, a thick window of ice peering into the rushing of water below. Under the ice, in the water below, a single word was forming.


The images of her life once again became reality. Each memory like an icicle piercing her heart. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. No one was there to wipe them away. She was forgotten and ignored, and no one cared. No one cared she was crying or lost in these icy woods. She would surely die alone.

Her heart plunged from the weight and landed with despair.

The world once more shifted, the ice melted away. The trees shrunk and blossomed into beautiful flowers on a hillside. The sky was a rich blue, scattered with white billowing clouds. The air was fresh and pure, happiness emanated from all around.

Her tears forgotten, she took in the spectacular beauty. A flash of light caught her eye, she looked down to find her hair was a dazzling gold. Butterflies happily fluttered around the bright reds, blues and whites of the flowers.

The flowers giggled in the breeze and sighed in the sunlight. Rachel fell back into their arms, resting in their joyful embrace. This time words were revealed in the sky, spelled out by the clouds.

Laughter. Delight. Joy.

The warmness of the sun ignited her as each memory brought forth a giggle or squeal of delight. All thoughts of sadness and anger forgotten, all that existed were the moments she savored.

Once more she found her world shifting, but for the first time regretted to see it go. The field of flowers was replaced by water. Sand sunk in between her toes, the sound of waves crashing onto the shore filled her ears. She looked down to see her hair had turned black.

The sky was the deepest of blues, the sun high and bright. The heat danced in waves as she looked across the water, relief came with every splash as the waves washed over her feet.

She waited for the words to come, to show her more of her life. Hoping for more memories of laughter. Instead the wind brought a whisper, a single word.


The image of a man with love in his eyes, spoke her name. His love was more vast than the ocean before her.

The crash of a wave startled her. She sat up. Her room was quiet and still, the edge of light creeping over the horizon was hinting at sunrise.

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This article has been read 419 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mary Toll01/20/11
I appreciate the emotions revealed from your heart, colorful as the many seasons.

Keep it up.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/21/11
I love how you equated the season' with Rachel's feelings. My heart started thumping at the end of the first paragraph.

Although your descriptions were divine, there may have been too much for a short story. I wanted to know what had happened in the MC's life to make her feel so much rage and despair.

You definitely have a great deal of talent. I felt myself holding my breath in several spots. You had a great take on the topic!
diana kay01/24/11
full of rich description and i found it interesting who you related the colours and emotions together.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/27/11
Congratulations on your HC Kara! You have so much natural talent. Keep writing.
Shelley Ledfors 01/27/11
Congratulations on the Highly Commended! This piece has such a lovely feel to it. I could relate to the emotions in each season and especially liked the ending. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Amy Michelle Wiley 01/28/11
Ooooo, very creative article. I loved seeing the emotions turn into tangible things around her.
AnneRene' Capp01/29/11
A deserving Congratulations Kiddo! Your creative imagination swept through me with great emotion for the MC. I too, look forward to what comes next. :)