The Official Writing Challenge
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I like the way you describe your shorter sister as your "big sister". Mine was the way. :) I would have liked this to be longer though, show your sister as the flower you are comparing her to. You also left me wondering what happened to her in the end. Why didn't you ever see her awake again? I liked the line where she called you a fat head! Maybe you could have encluded some more of her sisterly love! :)
10/11/05
You've done a beautiful job portraying your relationship with your sister - your love for her is evident throughout the piece. I, too, would've liked to read more about her and what happened. One tiny grammatical thing: "Others may have had..." (instead of 'may of had'). Overall, a great little piece. Keep it up!
10/12/05
I wish this piece had been longer, with some specific memories of your sister; you left me intrigued, but wanting more. Check the meaning of "transcends"; I think a different verb would work better. Witty!
I think we're all in agreement here - longer! I wanted to read more about your sister and what it is that took the "flower" away from you. Loved it otherwise, thanks for sharing!
I wanted very much to hear more about your sister! You know how to keep the reader wanting more: I wish there were more of this. Very nice, and perhaps work this up for an article submission. God bless.